Trick or Treat and Sliming

I decided to have a rare treat tonight and bought some potato chips at the grocery store. It's been ages since I bought chips. I grabbed a measured out bowl of them and started eating. Wouldn't you know it, they don't like me. I almost immediately started to feel stuck and started sliming. Isn't that poetic justice? It's like your band just knows what stuff you should or shouldn't have. I rarely, if ever get stuck on fruits or vegetables. So now what was supposed to be a treat has turned into a trick! How miserable is that. I guess it's your body's way of saying stay away from the potato chips! Ugh! Oh well, guess I will go slice an apple instead.

I'm Obese!!!

I am so excited to hit another BMI milestone! As of today's weigh in I am officially obese! I am NOT morbidly obese, I am NOT severly obese, I am just plain obese! This morning I saw 216 on the scale and with my height that puts me at a BMI of 34.9, a brand new category for me. Not to mention one step closer to 100 pounds down. I don't know what I am doing right this week, but I am glad to see the pounds still coming off. Next stop...overweight! That will happen around 185 lbs, that's quite a ways to go. But I am so celebrating this current milestone!

End of the Month "Check Up"

Well, here we are another month done. I am pleased to say I managed to lose 6 pounds in October which is awesome. There was a time earlier in the month that I swore the scale would never move again. So I will definitely take six. I am still creeping toward my 100 pound loss and my upcoming bandiversary in December. I am just 14 pounds away from 100 pounds total weight loss (pre-op and post op) that will probably take about 2-3 months to achieve, based on my previous weight loss averages. I hope I can keep moving in the right direction.

Only thing that has been kind bugging me lately is a little shoulder pain once in a while. I have been reading up on this and there are some people who have had lapband surgery that get referred pain in their shoulder from their tubing irritating their diaphragm. I think I have had some of this lately. I think I might bring it up at my next appointment. I am supposed to go to the doc later in November. I am trying to decide if I need a fill or not. I am still losing weight at a pretty average pace and I think I am pretty close to my sweet spot. So I am not sure if I need to cancel the appointment and save myself the trip. I guess I will think about that. Today's scale read 217, that's awesome.

Falling a Little Short on Walking But It's OK

I have been falling off the wagon a bit with my walking, and I may fall short of my 80 in October goal, but at least I have been walking and burning calories and will still have logged over 50 miles this month which is awesome. This morning I did 2 miles in my hotel room. I am away from home at a work conference so that makes it slightly more difficult to get my miles in. That also can pose a challenge sometimes as eating gets a little more difficult. Choosing good foods and not binging on too many drink calories during after hours get-togethers gets a little tougher. I really need to be aware of the calories I am eating, because I am really pleased with my weight loss for the month so far and I don't want to lose that momentum.

More Clothes Shopping Adventures

I am almost in disbelief, but I have been shopping trying to replace some of my winter wardrobe little by little. I was so excited the other day to choose XL's from the racks in the regular sized clothing section. I have been looking at plus sizes for so long it's hard to believe. I look at the clothes and think, will an XL really fit? And sure enough it does! That's so awesome. I feel "normal". Today I stopped by a consignment shop owned by my cousin's wife. Found some great bargains, 2 Columbia vests, awesome for winter layering and a pull over rain jacket, which is perfect for this crappy fall weather we are having.

Shopping was never fun for me, and it is finally exciting to find stuff that fits and that I feel good in. I am also learning to appreciate thrift store shopping, finding some awesome bargains and lots of stuff that still have tags or are in great shape. That's fun and so easy on my pocketbook. There is one other area of my wardrobe that needs updating...my undergarments. I have decided that I have been wearing far too much comfortable, boring, utilitarian stuff. Now that my love life has been spiced up thanks to my weight loss and E-Harmony I think I need to take a trip to Victoria's Secret and buy myself some pretties.

New Number...Woohoo!

I was so pleased to see 217 on the scale this morning. Losing pounds lately has been quite a bit of a battle, so when I see movement on the scale I am extremely excited. This is a nice 5 pound--correct that--6 pound loss for the month so far.

I better get my walking in today, perhaps later. It's a little misty and ugly outside so I think I will probably do my Leslie Sansone. Just gotta get the motivation.

Another Sweaty Session

I challenged myself to do the 3 mile walk on my Leslie Sansone DVD. First time I had done that. Wow, what a workout. It's a great alternative to going outside and it really makes me use muscles I haven't used in a while. Life is good, saw 219 on the scale this morning. Yippee!

I'm Shrinking!

October Progress Picture

Well, it's that time again...time to post the monthly progress picture. Woohoo! Well, here I am at 220 on the scale. I am wearing an XL polar fleece vest from L.L. Bean--yes an XL, not a plus size! I got it on my trip to Maine in September. OK, I think I need to take photos of myself before I leave the house as I see that the cream colored shirt underneath is too big for me and the pants, which I thought fit well are actually baggy. Ha ha! Dressing this body is like trying to hit a moving target.

Anyway, I like what I see. The stats for the record are: 83 pounds lost all together, 57 lost since surgery on 12-15-09. Down from 3X-4X to XL's in most shirts. Pants size is down from mostly 28's to a baggy 18. I can't believe I am just 17 pounds away from 100 pounds down and 21 pounds to onederland. I might actually start the new year getting closer to those milestones. Wow!

Leslie Sansone Kicked My Ass

I decided to forgo the 40 degree temps outside and break out my Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds DVD. Man alive, she kicked my ass. I know I used some muscles that I hadn't used in some time. I did the 2 mile workout, you would think that would be slacker compared to the 3 I usually do at the track but there is such a huge difference when you are doing 4 mph and adding arm and leg movements. Whew, I am sweating. Great workout. Next thing will be to tackle the 3 mile workout. Woohoo!

The Slippery Slope

Just got done reading Yana's blog (find her at http://girlmeetsband.blogspot.com/) and it really hit me tonight. Her dilemma...no weight loss in 6 months. I know it is a bad idea to compare yourself to someone else, since we are all so unique in how our bodies work, but we are only human and I think we compare ourselves to see if we are "normal" and to have a yardstick to measure our progress. Yana and I had surgery with about a week of each other last December and our surgery day weights were within about 10 pounds, me at 277 and her at 264. She has lost between 38-41 pounds and I have lost 58, nearly 20 pounds more. I want to be careful here...I don't write those numbers here to disparage the work that she has done, instead it just really made me realize that I could be in her shoes SO EASILY!

Her post just made me wonder...what would it take for me to have a 6 month plateau? I'd say not much, just a few days of overeating that add up to a couple weeks, that add up to a couple of months and then suddenly your stuck in that same old weight loss slippery slope. It's just another one of those lapband epiphany moments when you realize that the work is NEVER done. I work so hard every single day to make good choices. Some days I win, others I could do better. It is almost overwhelming to think about it. Every single day you have to chose to be healthy and to help your lapband succeed. That little piece of silicone and titanium can only do so much and then you have to do the rest.

Anyway I am thankful that I have had consistent, may it be ever so slow weight loss, but I am so glad I can say that since surgery I have managed to have weight loss every single month. Hearing Yana's story just made me realize what a blessing and what a feat that really is. So when I bitch and moan about the scale not moving for a while, tell me to get some perspective. A loss is a loss, even if it is only one pound and I know that I am the who has to make it happen, choosing every day to help my lapband do its job.

Hey fellow bloggers, give Yana a shout out would ya, I think she could use a little encouragement. :)

What the Heck?

Why is it that the scale can stand still for weeks at a time and then all the sudden let loose? Today I saw 219 on the scale, which is awesome! But I sure wish I could figure out how this works, and why your body sometimes can be stubborn. Anyway, I don't know if 219 will stick, but dammit I am going to claim it today.

Went for a walk today at the track. Wow, it was really cool today, a real fall day in the 50's. I decided to call it quits at 2 miles. Just didn't have it in me today for some reason. Oh well, still doing great on my goal of 80 miles this month.

Over Half Way and New Number

I am over half way on my progress to walk 80 miles this month, woohoo! I am finally seeing a little movement on the scale, as I saw a new number this morning...221! Yippee! I hope it sticks. I have been really watching my calories this week and I think that has helped to get me closer to back on track. All is well.

Another Face Comparison

I love doing these photo comparisons...here's a recent picture that shows that I have lost part of my 80 pounds in my face, LOL.

It just gets me that my eyes look brighter and more alive. You don't realize how much that fat actually holds down your facial muscles and changes the shape of your face. I wonder if I will ever get rid of the double chin? At least it isn't a triple chin like it used to be!

More Walking

Another gorgeous day outside! I had to stick around at the office for a night meeting so I used the downtime to get my 3 miles in for the day. I didn't have the best shoes on, so now my feet are a little sore. But I am staying on track to hit my 80 miles by the end of the month. Mark another 3 off the ticker!

Thanks Fellow Bloggers!

Just wanted to say thanks to the people who commented on my previous post. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I certainly blog mostly for my benefit, but it is nice to know that somehow my experiences resonate with others. It just feels nice. Wishing you all the best with your weight loss journeys, physically and emotionally. :) You are all terrific!

5 Years Difference

What a difference 5 years has made. I found this old photo today. It was taken in the spring of 2005. I remember that day, we were at Mount Rushmore with a group from work and we decided to walk the trails around the mountain. I remember thinking I was going to die walking up dozens and dozens of steps and hills. I was so winded and I had to stop to catch my breath so many times. That was the first time I contemplated weight loss surgery but then chickened out. I did lose weight though, I walked and counted calories and over time lost about 45 pounds only to gain it back later on and end up over 300 pounds again.

It almost makes me sad looking at the old version of me. I was drowning in a sea of fat. I remember that was one of my favorite sweater sets at the time. Probably one of the only one's that fit, it was a 26/28--by the way I think I just sent that one to the Goodwill store this past weekend. Even though it was my favorite then, I realize now with some perspective that anything I would have chosen to wear at that time would not have looked good, because I didn't look good at that weight. It just makes me wonder how I could have possibly let myself get to that point. It is absolutely destructive. I was slowly killing myself one cheeseburger at a time.

Finding this picture and really looking at it has brought up some really deep seated feelings. I think of how long I really lied to myself about who I was and how I felt. That fat suit dictated so much of my life. I was afraid to live, afraid to date, afraid to let anyone in, always feeling less than. I am so happy that I can say I am doing something about it, but there is a sorrow inside me about how much life I wasted. I don't want to get stuck on the past, but at the same time I do need to process the fact that I am different from that person. I felt so powerless then and little by little I am getting some of that power back and I am able to make choices that fill my life with joy. I still have a long way to go, but I know that I have the ability to make my life so much better than it has been.

Sorry for the long post...wow, this was another psych session on my blog. If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times, I completely underestimated the amount of emotional work I would have to do along with the physical work of losing a lifetime of weight.

New Number...Finally!

Holy cow this last pound took such a long time to lose. I wish I could figure out the scale, I swear I go through this every month or so--perhaps it is hormonal? Just your body's way of rebelling? Who knows. Anyway, I am pleased to say I finally saw 222 on the scale this morning. Wow, that was a tough one to get to. I am getting so close to the 200+teens its awesome. I was hoping my walking would really kick things into gear this month, but the scale is being particularly stubborn. I think I am going to count calories this week just to see how I am doing. I think that there are some things I could tweak a bit in the nutrition area. Anyway, glad to move to a new number, hope it sticks...and moves on to a lower one in a hurry. :)

Don't Underestimate Your Abilities

Today I decided to challenge myself to walk the entire length of the river trail near my house. All together it is 4.6 miles. Several times along the way I nearly talked myself out of it, whining in my head...I'm tired, my legs hurt, this is too long...etc. But in the end I went the whole way! Woohoo! I wonder how many other times in my life did I let my mind convince me I wasn't strong enough to do something and let myself give up? Had a great walk and I didn't die! I will walk just a little more today and then I will be able to add a full 5 miles to my countdown ticker for the day.

3 More Miles Done

Went for a great walk at the track tonight. I did three more miles toward my goal of 80 this month. I nearly talked myself out of going. Wow, it is hard to motivated some days. But once I am out there and walking I actually do enjoy myself. Just gotta keep moving.

Goodbye 3X's and More

I am cleaning out my closets today! It is sort of an emotional day oddly enough. I almost don't trust the fact that I don't need these clothes anymore. It's like I don't want to jinx myself by giving them away, just in case I need to wear them again. But that is flawed thinking isn't it? I am going to pack several boxes for the thrift store and get rid of anything that is too big for me. This is a big step.

Well, I ended up taking 16 pairs of pants ranging in size from 28 to 20 to the thrift store. I also took about 25 shirts and sweaters, mostly 3X's too. So now my closet is nearly empty. At least I will know what I have now. I have been picking up a few pieces here and there at thrift stores and sometimes I buy a size or two ahead and then I forget what I bought. What an adventure!

19 Miles Done

Doing good on my walking, trying to stay caught up each day. So far I have logged 19 miles. I wish the scale would be kind and reward me for my efforts, but alas it is being rather mean to me. Ugh!

Another 2 Miles Done

Walked 2 miles at lunch time. It was almost hot out. Just updating my miles today, not much else to say. Scale won't move, feeling bloated must be water weight. Stuck at 223.

Update...I walked an extra 2 miles in the evening. It was an absolutely gorgeous walk on the river trail. Awesome.

Beautiful Weather

It was awesome weather for a walk at the track tonight. I did 3 miles and it was awesome to be out in the sunshine. I am doing well toward my 80 mile goal. I didn't walk yesterday because I was too busy and out of town part of the day. So I had to make up for it today a little. But overall my average per day is good. So far I have 13 miles done. Feels good to be out there exercising again.

That's the Difference

I was thinking a lot lately about my new past time...dating! Who would have thought that would be my fall project? I had literally given up, checked out and found myself mourning a life that I thought was out of reach for me. My therapist and I were discussing the fact that fat people can and do find love and get married--but I wasn't one of them. I realized that it had less to do with my physical size than it did with how I felt about me emotionally. I didn't feel lovable. That's the difference, people who are able to find love at any size must have some sort of genetic makeup that I don't. It isn't until I have gained back some self esteem and self worth that I realize that I can find love--at whatever weight I may be at as love as I can live with myself. So even though right now I am still 50+ pounds from my first goal weight, it's OK. I am not afraid to put myself out there anymore because I know I am working on a better version of me.

Speaking of my therapist, we mutually decided I was ready to "graduate" from therapy. I have been seeing her for about a year and we decided that I had made good progress on my goals and that I was ready to fly solo. I never imagined that I would be in therapy. I think my having lapband was a little bit of a catalyst to seeking some extra support. I am so glad that I have cleaned up life both physically and emotionally. Now I know how to handle life the best I can, and I also know that I have a safety net if I feel like I am slipping backward. If I hadn't worked on my head, I know that I would have failed miserably at weight loss. Life is so much better and I know it can only get even better from here.

Windy Walk

Another windy day here on the prairie. I only managed to get in 2 miles today, but I am making good progress overall. Anything is better than the lull I had in September. The weather is supposed to be awesome this week so that should bode well for some more outdoor walking. So far so good.

80 Mile Challenge...So Far So Good

I have 5 miles done of my 80 mile challenge. Today is windy and cool, so I am not so enthused to go walking outside. Might have to get out my Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds DVD and do some inside walking today. Or perhaps I will do a mix of both, a short walk outside and finish things up inside. Perhaps the wind will subside later today. Then again, I shouldn't complain, walking against the wind would help me burn a few extra calories!

Start of the October Challenge Today!

It's time to kick it in gear! Today is October 1st and the start of my challenge to walk 80 miles during the month of October. It's a gorgeous fall day today and I plan to get started with my challenge with a walk at lunch time today. It's a crisp sunny fall day here in the Midwest and a great excuse to get out and get some fresh air and admire the beautiful fall colors on the trees right now. Then I plan on finishing my walking tonight with a few more miles. I'm shooting for about 3 today, a great start towards 80 by the end of the month!