Holy Restriction Batman!

My, oh my, am I tight. I am finding that I am having to relearn EVERYTHING about my band again. Today I piled on a plate of 4th of July fixins; brat (minus the bun of course), potato salad, potato chips and dip and watermelon. I ended up being able to eat two spoons full of potato salad, about 2/3 of the brat, about 15 potato chips and 3 bites of watermelon. That took me 40 minutes to eat and I threw away so much food and it left me aching. I need to retrain my brain again as to what volume of food I can handle.

My first inclination is to say I am WAY TOO tight, but I think my bariatric docs would say..."um that's exactly how the band is supposed to be working!" It's like learning to walk again. I had been slowly adding more and more food and now all the sudden I am back to feeling like I am newly banded. So when is that going to translate into pounds off the scale??? Soon I hope!

I haven't checked in for quite a while, the scale this morning says 204. I have gained back a little weight, after hitting a low of 197. So I need to battle back and get rid of those 7 pounds. But in the big picture of things, life is good. Hottie in a uniform and I are still progressing slowly. That is certainly a bright spot in my life right now. I am mostly settled into my temporary "studio apartment" at my brother's house and I think I have my work situation sorta figured out. So life is getting a little better all the time. Still not perfectly settled, but for now things are starting to feel "normal" again.

Port Flipped! Oh No!

Seriously, when it rains it pours in my life. As they say,  bad things come in threes--perhaps I am done now! I was at my docs office to get a fill and it was not the usual PA Kristin, since she was on maternity leave. So it was a CNP, named Jenni. I was begining to wonder if she knew what she was doing as she was struggling to get the needle in the port. It was starting to get a little uncomfortable and she was trying all sorts of methods. She finally came to the conclusion that my port had flipped, so off to flouroscopy we went and she confirmed that is what had happened. Damn! Only good thing was that they did manage to give me the fill after some manipulation of my port.

So now my surgeon's office is going to call me to schedule a port revision. Ugh! Has anyone had this happen to them? What can I expect? Help!

Face Comparison Pics

Been a while since I did one of these, so I thought I woudl do a side by side face comparison. There is about 100 pounds difference in these two photos from 2008 to 2011. Who is that girl? I think I need to shape/pluck my eyebrows a bit. LOL

A Big Old Plateau

Well, my weight loss has come to a standstill. I have watched the same 4-5 pounds go round and round the scale over the last two months. But I can't say I have helped it much. I have an appointment scheduled for June 16. Not sure if I need a fill or maybe just a pep talk? I have been feeling so tight in the morning, but able to eat large volumes of food at other times of the day. Now a new symptom of of acid reflux has kinda showed up. I would say that I have been abusing my band a little lately, asking it to stretch farther than it should. Right now I am fighting a mental battle more than anything, and I am not sure how to break that routine.

Life is still chaotic for me. Some good, some bad but I am trying to just take one day at a time. Hottie in a Uniform and I are making slow and steady progress, I have a job interview this week and I am starting to move some of my stuff to my temporary home at my brother's house. Life will settle down and then perhaps I can concentrate better on weight loss. So maybe right now I need to just hang on and try to stick within about a 5 pound range of this new set point of 200 pounds. I have still made great progress, my life is so much better, so I have to remember that. I will find my focus again when the time is right.

Gain for the Month

Well, I gained for the second month in the row. The scale went from 199 to 202. It's been a challenging couple of months and I know exactly how I gained those pounds back. It's not rocket science. Ice cream, potato chips, cheeseburgers, onion rings, M&M's, Hot Tamales and liquor. That's how you gain 3 pounds back. Ugh! I know my portion sizes are out of control and my food choices have been less than stellar. Exercise has been non-existent. These are all the steps you take to gain weight. I've got that figured out.

I was hesitant to get a fill because I have been so tight in the morning, but I realize that my unencumbered eating the rest of the day has got to stop. So I decided to take a chance on getting filled--worst case scenario I suppose I need to get unfilled and tweak things the opposite direction. But the fact that I was able to stuff down a bacon cheese burger with half the bun and most of breaded onion rings with 3 mixed drinks last Friday night tells me that I can eat way too much. So I have an appointment for a fill on June 16. In the mean time hopefully I can try to behave myself. What a battle!

Struggling a Bit

Well, the scale reads 202 this morning. Better than it was a few days ago, but still higher than a month ago. I had seen 197 once...ahhhh, if only I could get back there. The weather has not been cooperating with walking outside (yeah, I know that is no excuse). I have been addicted to ice cream and potato chips lately. I just feel out of whack and I can't seem to get motivated. I have been avoiding getting a fill because I am so darn tight in the morning, but I realize now that the volume and types of food I can eat later in the day defenitely point to needing a little tweak. I haven't had a fill since November, so that has been a good long stretch. So this week I plan to call for an appointment.

I realize that my band did not miraculously change my relationship with food. I still struggle every day with good choices. I don't want this little slip to turn into a big problem. I need to keep the big picture in mind, I have made great progress so far--even with a gain, I still have lost a total of 101 pounds. I will see onederland again, I just need to refocus. Life will settle down eventually and I can concentrate on me again.

When It Rains, It Pours

OK, so last month I lost my job. I have gained about 5 pounds and lost onederland. Now today, out of the blue I got a call from a realtor who was representing my landlord. She called to tell me they are selling all their rental properties, my house included. So now not only am I jobless I will soon be homeless. Are you freaking kidding me? Oh my.

I had started on the 4 day pouch test this morning, and got through lunch but when my day fell apart after the phone call from the realtor I said screw it. Anyway, it turned out OK. I had supper with Hottie in a Uniform and he let me vent for a while. We are going on a weekend trip together next weekend. I am so excited...and a little freaked out too. LOL.

The Lost Get Found!

Well, I certainly have been missing from these pages lately. My life has been in such a whirlwind. Lots of changes, both good and bad. The not so good...I have been eating like crazy. Bad stuff like ice cream and chips and dip. Very much of it has been emotional. I haven't been very consistent about exercise either. So needless to say the scale reads 204 today. Ugh! What happened to onederland? I will blame just the slightest bit of it on TOM being here this week, but I still have no excuse. I just can't seem to get back on track. That scares me a bit. I don't want the scale to creep up any further. I don't think I need a fill, because I really feel tight in the morning, but maybe getting a slight fill would kick things in emotionally as well as physically for me. I will have to think about that. I think that rather than risk an overfill, I should just try to get my eating habits back on track, so maybe a 5 day pouch test would help. In other news things are progressing slowly but well with Hottie in a Uniform. I don't want to jinx it, but things are going well and I have great hope for the future. :) I know for sure that I need to get back into my blogging habit as it helps me to focus my thoughts. I kinda went on a little weight loss vacation for a while there, but after a year and a half of constant weight loss, perhaps I needed a little break.

Picture Post

Here's a progress picture just for shits and giggles. No particular reason to celebrate, as the scale has plateaued at 198. But I just felt like looking back at two years and 105 pounds ago.

Mine Field

It's so hard to be positive and want to work on weight loss right now. But I did go on my daily walk yesterday (Thursday). Unfortunately I am writing at 3:30 AM as the insomnia monster is visiting me tonight. Not sure why I woke up, but the minute I did my mind started racing and pretty soon I was wide awake and stewing. My life is so unbelievably out of my control right now. I am so stressed out and so unsure of every move I make. I am worried about my job prospects, I am sad  (and jealous) to see my coworkers dropping off like flies as they get new jobs and move on to new things. Not to mention trying to nurture a fledging relationship in the midst of all the chaos and being deathy afraid I am screwing it all up. For a girl who has lived a lifetime of battling low self esteem this is like standing in the middle of mine field and in one direction it is choices involving my personal life, in the other direction it's choices about my professional life and I don't know which way to step. I am so scared. I can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now in any part of my life, and that is a very uncomfortble place to be.

Logging the Miles

Went for a walk tonight, it was such a gorgeous night. That was the only good thing about today. Life really sucks right now.

Walking Again

Just checking in as promised...I walked 2.25 miles today and did well on calories. No ice cream either! LOL. But there is a pan of caramel rolls in the freezer just calling my name to be baked. Just say no!!

Walking!!

I was such a good girl today walking at lunch time and also before supper tonight for a total of 4.5 miles. Woohoo! I also made very good choices today for meals, really being aware of the portion sizes. Day two of my May goals successful! You go girl!

Spring Cleaning!!!!

Spring cleaning! Goodbye fat clothes forever! My closet is minus the following: 14 pairs of capris, 1 skort, 1 skirt, 2 dresses, 50+ shirts (yes I said 50!), 3 pairs of pajamas, 2 lounge pants and 20 pair of baggy underwear...how wonderfully freeing!!!!! (And there's still more to go!) Now what in the world am I going to wear this summer? I predict a shopping spree!

But don't worry I saved back a few pieces for posterity sake including:

• Size 30 Jeans
• 3X Red Shirt
• 3X Grey Sweatshirt
• Size 28 Black Capris
• Size 13 Underwear

I have "before" pictures with me wearing each of the things listed above. So I set them aside in a box and marked them my Fat Clothes Time Capsule. Let's leave that box closed for 100 years, LOL.

P.S. I went for a 2 mile walk today. It was so freakin windy I got in a heavy duty workout just trying to stay on the ground.

It's Official...My First Net Gain

Well, it comes as no surprise to me that during the month of April I had a net gain for the first time since July 2009 and the start of my weight loss journey. It was just one little pound of a net gain for the month from 198 to 199, but it is still a gain. I know exactly how it happened...several pints of Blue Bunny Bunny Tracks ice cream, dozens of snack size chocolates from the office candy jar and an all out disregard for the types of foods I ate throughout the month. It can also be attributed to a lack of regular exercise. Add that on top of the stress of being laid off at my job and the nervousness of starting a romantic relationship. I can honestly say that weight loss took a back seat this month. But you know what? I'm OK with it. If there was ever a month that I "deserved" a little break from reality this was it. But now I have some work to do!

Yesterday I found 3 pairs of capri pants at the local thrift store and they fit but just are just a smidge too tight. So my goal is to make them fit more comfortably this month. I love the fresh, clean slate of a new month so for May it's time to set some goals!

1. No more ice cream, chocolate, etc. It's a bad habit that needs to be broken. Stop eating your feelings!
2. Walk/exercise EVERY day this month rain or shine, shooting for a goal of 60 miles for the month. I will keep track of miles logged each day.
3. Think about your food choices, only eat things that fuel your body! Get back to basics.

So let's forget about April and concentrate on May. Here's to a new start again!