Friday, May 6, 2011

Mine Field

It's so hard to be positive and want to work on weight loss right now. But I did go on my daily walk yesterday (Thursday). Unfortunately I am writing at 3:30 AM as the insomnia monster is visiting me tonight. Not sure why I woke up, but the minute I did my mind started racing and pretty soon I was wide awake and stewing. My life is so unbelievably out of my control right now. I am so stressed out and so unsure of every move I make. I am worried about my job prospects, I am sad  (and jealous) to see my coworkers dropping off like flies as they get new jobs and move on to new things. Not to mention trying to nurture a fledging relationship in the midst of all the chaos and being deathy afraid I am screwing it all up. For a girl who has lived a lifetime of battling low self esteem this is like standing in the middle of mine field and in one direction it is choices involving my personal life, in the other direction it's choices about my professional life and I don't know which way to step. I am so scared. I can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now in any part of my life, and that is a very uncomfortble place to be.
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3 comments:

  1. Midwest MegMay 6, 2011 at 11:07 AM

    Hang in there! I will send some prayers and positive thoughts your way!
    (My blog was accidentally deleted, please follow me at http://megansmelting.blogspot.com/"

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  2. Beth AnnMay 6, 2011 at 11:43 AM

    I'm so sorry CeeJay. Please know that we are all out her pulling for you with our thoughts and prayers.

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  3. MarieMay 8, 2011 at 7:03 PM

    Just read your post. I have a book suggestion for you - Deepak Chopra's Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul. I lost my job in December and my boyfriend broke up with me a month later very abruptlu. And I have no job prospects right now five months later. I've had to really dig deep and search within myself for what is important to me. It's been hard but very real. I will be living a very different life financially (I made well over six figures for many years) but I am going to graduate school and going in a new direction. I won't make as much money but I will hopefully be more fulfilled in my daily working life. This book really helped me. Take care of yourself first.

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