Thursday, March 31, 2011

Thankful Thursday

Here's a feel good report for the day...I was up early and decided to use up some of my waiting time before work to go for a nice walk this morning. It was a little crisp, but it was wonderful to hear the birds singing and to fill my lungs with fresh air. I walked about 1 1/2 miles and it made such a great start to my day.

Second good report for the day is that tomorrow is date night! I am making dinner for hottie in a uniform and I. He's on call, so I hope we don't get interrupted, but I am so looking forward to spending some time with him again. He has been crazy busy for about two weeks and it has taken all my patience to wait be able to go out with him again. Yippee!

Third bit of goodness for today is that the scale was down another pound this morning to 198. I love quick scale turn arounds! I think it kind of owed me, because I had seen 197 at one point this month and then it jumped back up 3-4 pounds--there was no way those were actual pounds, so I think I am getting rid of some water weight. I will take it! So there's my thankful report for Thursday...what's good in your life right now?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

One Down...24 to Go

Woohoo, I've seen onederland...again. I saw it some time ago and then some and then I don't know where the heck it went to for a while. This morning it was back again as the scale finally gave me 199 instead of the 200 it had given me for a whole week. So for my 25 pound mini goal, I am down one pound! Just 24 to go. Isn't it nice to work on a small little goal. Just what I needed to bolster my spirits. I have been going good on my mini goals too, tracking my food again, exercised both Monday and Tuesday and have been drinking water. The mental part still needs some work and with the exception of a few Tic-Tac mints I haven't snacked. They don't really count, do they? LOL. At less than 2 calories per mint I figured they don't really add up to much.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Flipping Things Upside Down

Did good at my goals again today and watching the first few minutes of The Biggest Loser tonight got me thinking about refocusing my efforts. So I think that I am gonna flip things around a bit. Up until now my ticker on my blog has been counting down from my high weight, but I think it's time to start counting down to my first goal weight of 175. So I am adding a new ticker to work specifically on the next 25 pounds. Hopefully that will give me some new focus and determination to keep working in the next days, weeks and months.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Checking In...TSMWT Goals *Updated

OK, I'm checking in on the goals for this week...track, snack, move, water and think (let's call it TSMWT for short) . I tracked my calories for the day, and wow, I really did need to do that again. I thought I was doing pretty good today and it turns out that if I stick to my 1200 calorie diet I only have about 275 calories left for the day. I did treat myself to a convenience store cappuccino today because I was so freakin chilled and that stole about 220 calories for the day. Good example of how easily you forget how things add up. So I will have to adjust for that. I haven't snacked today, which is good. It helped to be away from the office and the candy jar. I have plans to go to the gym tonight yet, or at the very least I will do my Leslie Sansone DVD at home. Water, I have had five 8 oz. glasses so far, which is good. And my stinkin thinkin is on the mend, and it helps that I am being accountable through my blog. Doing good for day one. Just gotta keep it up. *Update: Did a 2 mile Leslie Sansone walk, had supper and stayed within my calorie goals by 6 calories and the only thing left to do is drink a little more water, but I gotta wait until my supper settles. Good job for day 1 of my "reset"!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I Declare This Pig Out Sunday!

Ok, I declare that today shall be pig out Sunday. I can have whatever I want, I can eat 'til my band hurts and snack all day....but then...tomorrow it is time to start anew. I have been quite the slacker lately and the scale shows it. This is a slippery slope I am not willing to let myself go down, because a few bad habits can mean a huge slip up and I don't want to go there. So I am allowing myself to have the rest of the day to get it out of my system and then Monday morning I am going to behave again. So then, here are some goals for the week:

  1. Track your food intake...cause let's be realistic, you've been sneaking in some extra calories here and there and you know it. So you better give yourself some accountability.

  2. No snacking this week, just 3 nutritious meals a know you've been going to the candy jar at the office all month, it adds up, even if it is small.

  3. Move your didn't go to the gym at all last week, what's up with that? I don't care if you go to the gym or if you walk outside if the weather is nice. Just move your butt.

  4. Drink lots of water...recognize when you are thirsty, rather than hungry.

  5. Use your head...think hard about are you hungry or are you bored, sad, lonely, tired, etc. I think you've been using food as a bit of a crutch lately and that's a bad habit to get into again. Fix what's flawed in your thinking.

OK, it's as simple as that. Just follow a few rules to get yourself back on track. Let your band do the work it was designed to do and quit sabbotaging yourself. So have fun today, 'cause tomorrow it's back to reality!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Focusing on the Good Stuff

OK, so I am trying to mend my ways and I am trying to think of the positive stuff again. So here's some good stuff for today...a good friend of mine wrote me a message on Facebook responding to a new profile picture I had put up, saying "good lord you are wasting away. you look great. but then i always thought you did!!!!!" Ha ha! Me...wasting away! What a wonderful compliment! She and I went to high school together and I am sure she hasn't seen me this "skinny" ever. She has also struggled with her weight in her lifetime so I am sure she knows both the success and failure of trying to change your life for the better. What an awesome thing for her to say. Great NSV even when the scale doesn't like me--a great reminder that the scale is not the only measure of my success.

I am so surprised when I share comparison pictures with friends and family, that many of them have said, "I never saw you as being that big." Isn't it funny how the ones that love you, truly do love you for who you are not what you look like. They really put on rose colored glasses to your size and love you for who you are. It's only when looking at the new version of me that they see that I am so improved. It's not that they like me any better because I am skinny, instead they are happy that I am becoming a newer, better version of who I always was. That's an awesome thought. Now if I could just get myself to trust that notion more. I still have many self doubts about people liking me. Which leads into my next topic...the hottie in a uniform update.

I know many have been waiting patiently for an update. I have been a little leery about sharing too many details, but just let me say that things are good...and crazy...and wonderful...and awful...and confusing...and hopeful. Could there be more of a roller coaster of emotions lately. OMG, I am such a hormonal teenager! We are moving very slowly and I think it is God's way of teaching me some important lessons in patience, self control, obedience, and understanding that things happen in His timing, not mine. It is so important for me to enjoy the journey and try not to over think things. Slow is good...oh so good. And if I am patient enough it will only get sweeter all the time. :)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Gaining Perspective

Ok, so the scale and I are having a little battle, but I am determined not to let it get me off track. It actually read 201 this morning...even worse than before! Sometimes you just gotta laugh it off.

Today I learned about the death of a former classmate and co-worker. She was 39 and died after a courageous battle with melanoma. She leaves behind a wonderful family including two little boys under the age of 5. Gives you some perspective about those little scale fluctuations doesn't it? Life is so precious, I can't afford to squander any moments on things that don't really matter in the end. Heaven has a new angel tonight named Becky. God bless all tonight, and I pray that we can all focus on the things that are most important in our lives, not the trivial things that trip us up.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Needed a Pick Me Up...Progress Picture

Ok, I found my last post to be a little depressing and full of bellyaching, so I decided I needed a little visual proof again of my transformation. Quit bitchin' over a few pounds--they won't last and you know it! So since I love a good comparison picture and I know that you, my blog readers do's a beginning to now side-by-side picture. I REALLY HAVE CHANGED. Believe that sentence...let me say it again. YOU ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON YOU WERE. See and believe the changes that have happened to you. Buck up, those 3 pounds will disappear, if not today then soon. So here's the comparison.

Ugh...The Fluctuations!

Well, TOM is supposed to show up some time this week--maybe--I never know when it might show up, another by-product of my previous life as a fat lady, unpredictable periods. I am thinking TOM is to blame for me seeing 200 on the scale the past few mornings. Ugh! Now I try to fight again for onederland and to grasp the 197 I had actually seen a week ago. Oh my, what a downer.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

March Progress Picture

Well, the changes come a little slower now, but I can still see improvements every time I take a new progress picture. Sometimes it's hard to believe it really is me. I feel skinnier all the time. Still got work to do, but I am so proud of the progress I have made. My butt still looks a little big. I wonder if I will continue to lose that or if I will keep some junk in my trunk.

As of this morning my total weight loss is 106 pounds. Is that crazy or what? In fact today, I also hit 80 pounds of weight lost since my surgery day of 277. Sometimes I look at a picture or my reflection in the mirror and I wonder who the heck that is looking back at me, LOL.

Quick Post...New Number!

I love it when the scale cooperates. The scale gave me 197 this morning. Woohoo! I feel like I am in the green zone again all the sudden. I thought I had lost it, but now it seems to be back. I don't begin to understand how that happens. I must have scared my band by threatening it by scheduling a fill appointment. Can't wait for date night tonight!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Spring's Around the Corner!

I was so happy to walk to the gym tonight! It was just a little cool, but not bad. I was just so pleased to be out in the fresh air. It's about a mile round trip so I just used my walk as part of my hour long workout time. So nice! I am really looking forward to better weather and the opportunity to go walking for exercise. Then I may put my gym membership on hold for a while.
In other news, tomorrow is date night again! Josh and I are making homemade pizza at my house. How fun is that? I also made some brownies for dessert and we will probably watch a movie or just talk. It just makes me so happy! Scale is holding steady at 198, but I think it may move soon as I have really been behaving myself with good food choices and a decent amount of exercise. Maybe tomorrow. Life is good.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Scale Keeps Moving

Slowly but surely, the scale continues to move down. This morning I was pleased to see 198! It's pretty slow weight loss lately, but at least it is still going down. That is 3 pounds for the month and I am so pleased to be getting further away from 200. The other day I had a conversation with one of my sisters and was so surprised to hear that I only weighed 17 pounds more than she did. I have never been close to her weight, ever. I even teased that one day I would weigh less than she would. That would be awesome. Still can't believe that I have made the progress I have. I need to keep working toward my next goals. Slow and steady! (That also applies to hottie in a uniform...things are slow but good.)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Ice Storm Wreaks Havoc With Date Night

Well, I was already tired of winter, but this is ridiculous. The weather here was windy and cold all day, which was crappy but tolerable. Then all the sudden at 3:00 PM the rain/sleet starts, and the 50 mile an hour wind gusts didn't help much either. So guess what, Mother Nature made an icy mess of the roads and there were semi's jackknifed, cars in the ditch and my law enforcement hottie had to go to work. :(

So date night was cancelled. But I suppose if I have intentions of dating someone in law enforcement I had better get used to moments like this happening. I like to think it's God's way of teaching me a little patience and understanding. Anyway, I am hoping that we talk today and come up with plan B and perhaps date night will happen tonight instead. I will have to see how the day unfolds, it's early yet and I would guess he's still sleeping after a late night. Patience dear, all will work out!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Can't Wait for Friday!

Well, my Smack Ass 2.0 jeans are in the wash as we speak and I am trying to decide what to wear for tomorrow for date night! Eeeek! What a wonderful feeling. I am so excited. In other news the scale is moving back and forth between 199 and 200, but I can live with that. It always takes a while for things to really stick. I have been crazy tight lately, which is odd. It seems as though as soon as I made an appointment for a fill at the end of the month my band decided to shape up again. So now I am so uncertain about needing a fill. Guess I will see what the month brings and decide as the date gets closer.

So here's the next thing, I don't think Josh knows I have had weight loss surgery and I am a little nervous about telling him. But when you have dinner dates, sometimes your "odd" eating behaviors kinda stick out like a sore thumb. So I do plan on telling him my story but I am a little freaked about telling him just how much weight I have really lost. Which is weird 'cause I have pretty much shared it with a million other people, but to tell him makes me a little nervous. Will he judge me for being so fat? Will he think it's great that I have made that kind of progress? Will he be afraid that I will be fat again. Yeah, all these dumb things running through my head. I know this is all irrational thought, but sometimes it's hard to turn off that negative nelly attitude. Guess I will just feel things out tomorrow and see what all I choose to share. I don't have to spill all my secrets in one night. Can't wait for tomorrow!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Date Night on Friday Night!!!!!!!!!

Woohoo! I have a date on Friday night! I am so freakin' excited tonight I can hardly stand a second date with hottie in a uniform. Somebody pinch me, is this really my life? I cannot believe this. I don't have any idea where this little experiment might end up, but I am just so glad to say that I am no longer sitting on the sidelines in my life. A little over a year ago I had really hit rock bottom, I gave up on ever finding love and found myself smack dab in the middle of a bout with clinical depression. A year later with the help of some therapy, happy meds and losing 100 pounds I am actually starting to live the life I hoped and dreamed of. OMG, I am so hopeful and excited! I have a date!!!!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Wonderful...Onederful Day

What a great day...I started off with seeing onederland on the scale, which was a great way to start the day. Then once I was at work I saw my favorite law enforcement officer. :) He stopped by to see me right away in the morning and then we flirted in the hallway later in the afternoon and then finally we talked for a hour later in the afternoon--needless to say I didn't get much work done today! Sigh...I was standing so close to him I thought I might self-combust! We are making slow but steady progress and it feels so nice. :) Life is good. Hope it stays like that!


It was very much like seeing the Yeti or Sasquatch, hard to believe it really exists, but ladies and gentleman here it is, photographic proof of Onederland! I am not sure it will stick right away, but darn it, it's mine! Wow! I did it! So to celebrate today, I am wearing my Smack Ass 2.0 jeans to work--we usually only wear jeans on Friday, but dammit, this is a special occasion. LOL.

I haven't been in the 100's since I was a teenager, I would guess I was about 16 as I remember lying on my first driver's license because I didn't want to put down 200 on the application. So I fibbed just enough that the license examiner or a cop wouldn't know the difference. I still have more milestones to reach, but this is an awesome one.

Next stop are a couple of goals. At 185 I will be at a BMI number that is simply "overweight" and out of obesity. The second goal I set for myself at the beginning of my weight loss journey was to weigh 175 pounds--a weight I pulled out of the air, but something that seemed very normal and average. After that, who knows, perhaps I will be ready for a maintenance weight. Yippee for me!!!!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Get Your Toe Nails Ready

I was a good girl tonight and went to the gym. I feel like I was on target with my calories today too. The scale said 200 this morning, and this may be TMI, but I had a great BM today (hahaha--you banders know how fickle those can be sometimes). So perhaps the scale will be kind tomorrow and provide me with a picture worthy 199. I even painted my toe nails in preparation for this momentous occasion. Now I wait...oh my I hate having to wait. Patience is something I possess very little of.

The Depths of Me

This weekend I realized that I am really struggling with the limbo of being "new" in some respects, but still having the old messages running in my head. I am insecure and neurotic. I worry about so many things. I still have a lot of doubt about the fact that a guy could like me. I spent the whole weekend wondering, worrying, over analyzing and in the end it was all for nothing--Josh texted me and we chatted for about 25 minutes. It was sweet and flirty and wonderful, but it didn't happen until 9:45 on Sunday night. In the mean time I spent Friday night, Saturday and most of Sunday assuming the worst..."he doesn't like me, I said something wrong in my last text, I'm not lovable, I'm broken"... fill in the blank with any self-defeating attitude you can think of here. I know I need to change that broken record in my head, I just didn't realize how much it was truly affecting me.

But here's what I know...I am better than I was, but I also realize that those old feelings are still there. I am better about trying to quash them, but there are times when it is so hard. What a roller coaster ride. The more positive feedback I get from Josh, the better things are, but in the meantime I am so uncertain. I keep trying to tell myself that this is perfectly normal. Please let me learn to enjoy the moment, to stop being so neurotic and to just keep trying to be the best version of myself. I am worth it. Just keep saying it...I am worth it.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

New Number...Getting So Close!

Saw 200 on the scale this morning! Yippee! I am bound to see onederland within the next week or two! (Don't want to jinx it though.) Weight loss has been pretty slow and fickle lately. So every pound is taking a lot of energy. I suppose I have been slightly distracted lately, LOL. So in other news...things are slow but nice. Just getting to know each other. I am trying to be as patient as I can be. It's hard to know when to push forward and when to pull back a little bit, what a crazy little dance. I am just trying to enjoy this and not misinterpret the signals--both good and bad. One of my worst traits is thinking too much and over analyzing every little thing. I am trying to break myself of that habit. Anyway, things are perfectly nice right now. :)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Maybe = YES!

I am having an awesome week. Remember when I wondered what "maybe" meant at the end of my date? I sooooo think that "maybe" means YES! I am out of town on business for a few days and today out of the blue during my meeting this morning Josh texted me! Awwww! :) He asked "How's your day. I hope well!" Yes, with the exclamation point. We texted back and forth a bit and then also had another text conversation later in the day, cute, funny, flirty stuff. OMG, I am on cloud nine. No one can wipe the smile off my face right now. I am having so much fun with this, I just want to soak it all in, every wonderful moment of this new time in my life. I am so hopeful.