Monday, May 30, 2011

Struggling a Bit

Well, the scale reads 202 this morning. Better than it was a few days ago, but still higher than a month ago. I had seen 197 once...ahhhh, if only I could get back there. The weather has not been cooperating with walking outside (yeah, I know that is no excuse). I have been addicted to ice cream and potato chips lately. I just feel out of whack and I can't seem to get motivated. I have been avoiding getting a fill because I am so darn tight in the morning, but I realize now that the volume and types of food I can eat later in the day defenitely point to needing a little tweak. I haven't had a fill since November, so that has been a good long stretch. So this week I plan to call for an appointment.

I realize that my band did not miraculously change my relationship with food. I still struggle every day with good choices. I don't want this little slip to turn into a big problem. I need to keep the big picture in mind, I have made great progress so far--even with a gain, I still have lost a total of 101 pounds. I will see onederland again, I just need to refocus. Life will settle down eventually and I can concentrate on me again.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

When It Rains, It Pours

OK, so last month I lost my job. I have gained about 5 pounds and lost onederland. Now today, out of the blue I got a call from a realtor who was representing my landlord. She called to tell me they are selling all their rental properties, my house included. So now not only am I jobless I will soon be homeless. Are you freaking kidding me? Oh my.

I had started on the 4 day pouch test this morning, and got through lunch but when my day fell apart after the phone call from the realtor I said screw it. Anyway, it turned out OK. I had supper with Hottie in a Uniform and he let me vent for a while. We are going on a weekend trip together next weekend. I am so excited...and a little freaked out too. LOL.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Lost Get Found!

Well, I certainly have been missing from these pages lately. My life has been in such a whirlwind. Lots of changes, both good and bad. The not so good...I have been eating like crazy. Bad stuff like ice cream and chips and dip. Very much of it has been emotional. I haven't been very consistent about exercise either. So needless to say the scale reads 204 today. Ugh! What happened to onederland? I will blame just the slightest bit of it on TOM being here this week, but I still have no excuse. I just can't seem to get back on track. That scares me a bit. I don't want the scale to creep up any further. I don't think I need a fill, because I really feel tight in the morning, but maybe getting a slight fill would kick things in emotionally as well as physically for me. I will have to think about that. I think that rather than risk an overfill, I should just try to get my eating habits back on track, so maybe a 5 day pouch test would help. In other news things are progressing slowly but well with Hottie in a Uniform. I don't want to jinx it, but things are going well and I have great hope for the future. :) I know for sure that I need to get back into my blogging habit as it helps me to focus my thoughts. I kinda went on a little weight loss vacation for a while there, but after a year and a half of constant weight loss, perhaps I needed a little break.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Picture Post

Here's a progress picture just for shits and giggles. No particular reason to celebrate, as the scale has plateaued at 198. But I just felt like looking back at two years and 105 pounds ago.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Mine Field

It's so hard to be positive and want to work on weight loss right now. But I did go on my daily walk yesterday (Thursday). Unfortunately I am writing at 3:30 AM as the insomnia monster is visiting me tonight. Not sure why I woke up, but the minute I did my mind started racing and pretty soon I was wide awake and stewing. My life is so unbelievably out of my control right now. I am so stressed out and so unsure of every move I make. I am worried about my job prospects, I am sad  (and jealous) to see my coworkers dropping off like flies as they get new jobs and move on to new things. Not to mention trying to nurture a fledging relationship in the midst of all the chaos and being deathy afraid I am screwing it all up. For a girl who has lived a lifetime of battling low self esteem this is like standing in the middle of mine field and in one direction it is choices involving my personal life, in the other direction it's choices about my professional life and I don't know which way to step. I am so scared. I can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now in any part of my life, and that is a very uncomfortble place to be.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Logging the Miles

Went for a walk tonight, it was such a gorgeous night. That was the only good thing about today. Life really sucks right now.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Walking Again

Just checking in as promised...I walked 2.25 miles today and did well on calories. No ice cream either! LOL. But there is a pan of caramel rolls in the freezer just calling my name to be baked. Just say no!!

Monday, May 2, 2011


I was such a good girl today walking at lunch time and also before supper tonight for a total of 4.5 miles. Woohoo! I also made very good choices today for meals, really being aware of the portion sizes. Day two of my May goals successful! You go girl!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Spring Cleaning!!!!

Spring cleaning! Goodbye fat clothes forever! My closet is minus the following: 14 pairs of capris, 1 skort, 1 skirt, 2 dresses, 50+ shirts (yes I said 50!), 3 pairs of pajamas, 2 lounge pants and 20 pair of baggy wonderfully freeing!!!!! (And there's still more to go!) Now what in the world am I going to wear this summer? I predict a shopping spree!

But don't worry I saved back a few pieces for posterity sake including:
  • Size 30 Jeans
  • 3X Red Shirt
  • 3X Grey Sweatshirt
  • Size 28 Black Capris
  • Size 13 Underwear
I have "before" pictures with me wearing each of the things listed above. So I set them aside in a box and marked them my Fat Clothes Time Capsule. Let's leave that box closed for 100 years, LOL.

P.S. I went for a 2 mile walk today. It was so freakin windy I got in a heavy duty workout just trying to stay on the ground.

It's Official...My First Net Gain

Well, it comes as no surprise to me that during the month of April I had a net gain for the first time since July 2009 and the start of my weight loss journey. It was just one little pound of a net gain for the month from 198 to 199, but it is still a gain. I know exactly how it happened...several pints of Blue Bunny Bunny Tracks ice cream, dozens of snack size chocolates from the office candy jar and an all out disregard for the types of foods I ate throughout the month. It can also be attributed to a lack of regular exercise. Add that on top of the stress of being laid off at my job and the nervousness of starting a romantic relationship. I can honestly say that weight loss took a back seat this month. But you know what? I'm OK with it. If there was ever a month that I "deserved" a little break from reality this was it. But now I have some work to do!

Yesterday I found 3 pairs of capri pants at the local thrift store and they fit but just are just a smidge too tight. So my goal is to make them fit more comfortably this month. I love the fresh, clean slate of a new month so for May it's time to set some goals!
  1. No more ice cream, chocolate, etc. It's a bad habit that needs to be broken. Stop eating your feelings!
  2. Walk/exercise EVERY day this month rain or shine, shooting for a goal of 60 miles for the month. I will keep track of miles logged each day.
  3. Think about your food choices, only eat things that fuel your body! Get back to basics.
So let's forget about April and concentrate on May. Here's to a new start again!