Sunday, November 22, 2009

22 Days and Counting

Waiting is like torture. My mind is racing with all sorts of thoughts. I have so many questions about what things will be like post-surgery. I have been trying to read up on things and understand everything that is involved. I have done some preliminary grocery shopping to prepare for the liquid phase of both pre-op and post-op. I wish I knew more, like how much pain I will be in, what the hospital stay will be like and things like that. But I suppose until I actually experience it, the best I can do is wonder.

I'm also a bit anxious about what the results will be like. I have read lots of stuff that says most people lose anywhere between 30-100% of weight. I'm not sure if I have a goal weight in mind, but I suppose under 200 would certainly be a start. I haven't been under 200 since high school for sure. So here's where the disconnect is...I felt "fat" in high school, so to be back at that weight seems both good and bad. It's a hell of a lot better than now, yet I wonder if those same feelings of insecurity and low self esteem will still exist. That's where I feel good about seeing a therapist right now, to help me work through those emotional issues. So many changes to come, I suppose I just need to take it one hurdle at a time and live in the moment.

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