I Think I Have Found Bandster Hell

Yep, I think I am there. I am not feeling much restriction and my first fill of 1 CC only helped momentarily. I am relying on my own will power and that seems to be fading lately. I am tired of "being good" and playing by the rules. I have been doing some occasional snacking and I have been eating a few less than nutritious foods. Mind you I haven't fallen completely off the wagon, but wow, it's a little scary to think of the damage I could do given the right situation. I am not due back at my surgeons office until August for my second fill. Does that sound right? I thought 6 months was a little long.

Hey followers, how long was it between your fills? My weight loss has come to a stand still and sometimes I feel like I don't even have a band. Just feeling a little discouraged this month after a month of very slow weight loss and several ups and downs. As it stands right now I have only lost 3 pounds for the month of February. I'll take any loss, but I was hoping to do a little better than that.

New Day...Same Number

This week is not going as planned. I saw a low this week of 256, but alas on my quote, unquote official weigh in day of Saturday I saw the awful number of 259. Same as last week. Rings are tight on my fingers and I know I am retaining water so I am just going to ignore those numbers. Today will be all about getting enough liquids, as I think I have been neglecting my water/liquids intake for the week. Sigh...

A Case of Portion Distortion

I have been a little sheltered lately, eating most of my meals at home or packing my lunch every day for work. Last night I had the wonderful privilege to have supper with a very good friend I hadn't seen in a while so we went to Minerva's. I ordered the grilled chicken with garlic mashed potatoes and a vegetable medley. It also came with a salad and bread. I had a few bites of salad and skipped the bread. When my entree came I was shocked at the portion sizes. I ate about half of everything and by the time I was done it looked like I hadn't even touched it. There was enough food there for 2-3 people.

In my previous life I would have eaten every last bite. There had to have been at least 9-10 ounces of chicken, 1 1/2 cups of mashed potatoes and a over a cup of vegetables. It's no wonder our society is so fat. Anyway, it was nice to go out and choose good food to eat but I think next time I need to ask for smaller portions or split my meal with someone. I'm a work in progress!

Weigh In Day

Well, here it is Saturday, my new "official" weigh in day. Scale reads 259 today. That doesn't surprise me, since this week it has been all over the map. Technically it's up about a pound from a previous low of 258. Not to worry though, I am pretty sure things will even out soon. Just checking in.

Hello To My New Followers

I noticed I picked up a few new followers this week, so I just wanted to give them all a shout out. Hope you aren't too bored by my ramblings!

260...Are You Kidding Me?

There's something going on my my body today. All the sudden the scale jumped back up two pounds to 260. That is not calorically possible, so it's got to be water weight. At least I know it's not the result of my eating habits, but wow that stinks. I just feel all bloated and I had a bit of a stomach ache over night. I spent several hours awake and even took a warm bath hoping to seek some relief. I still don't feel 100% this morning, but it's off to work I go. At least I can look forward to a long weekend, as I have Monday off for President's Day. Well, better go pack my lunch and hit the road.

Eeek! Got Partially Stuck & Screening Results

Oh my, tonight I was eating too fast and I knew it. I was just about to slow down and then it hit, my first experience of getting stuck! That is a horrible feeling. But thank goodness it only lasted for a few minutes and then I was able to move things a bit. I can't imagine what it would be like if it lasted longer. I got the hiccups and my chest got tight, I started salivating like crazy and felt the need to puke/burp. Not fun. Reminder to self...slow down and chew! Let's not do that again.

In better news, I have the results from my health screening. So here's the breakdown, the first number is the current stat and the second number is what I had last year. (Weight loss is a bit different than my "official" blog numbers because my scale at home reads a bit less and I figure my weight loss on my high of 303 in June):

• Weight: 263~296 (-33 pounds)
• Cholesterol: 171~209 (-38 mg/dL)
• Blood Pressure: 102/72~120/90
• BMI: 42~47 (-5 units)

All in all, good numbers and definite improvements from a year ago. The only thing that didn't improve was my good cholesterol or HDL. Last year it was 39, this year it was 28. So my good cholesterol actually went down. Ideally it should be 50 or greater. Exercise should help bring that number up. So I still have some work to do. But so encouraging to see the improvements on paper.

Health Screening Tomorrow

Tomorrow I have a yearly health screening offered by my employer. I am interested to see what changes I have in my cholesterol level and blood pressure. Hopefully the numbers will have improved from a year ago. We'll see tomorrow, I will update things then.

In other news, the scale today said 258, so I am still losing more than a pound a week average, probably closer to 2 pounds. I am starting to notice little things too, like how I fit better in some chairs with arms or that it is getting more comfortable to cross my legs and I fit just right in my size 24 pants. Lots of good things.

Pizza and Lessons Learned

I had a work meeting today and the group had pizza ordered in, I knew about it ahead of time and figured I better not even try to eat that for fear of getting stuck. So instead, I packed my lunch. It was a satisfying lunch, but man alive that pizza smell was overwhelming. It's hard to do the right thing on those kinds of days. I am finding that when I am in my own environment it's easy to make the right choices, but it gets hard to live with being different when I am around other people. I guess that's the life I signed up for, and I am glad I made the decision to have surgery, but once in a while I get a slight twinge of jealousy that other people can choose to eat any way they want to.

But I guess if I were to look around the table at my co-workers, only one of them is at their ideal weight, three of them are overweight and the other three are obese. So what is there to be jealous of? So much to learn, so many habits to change I never imagined what a learning experience lapband surgery would be. I am constantly challenging the status quo of what I used to know and learning to think about food in a whole new way. The food I ate today nourished my body and provided the energy I needed and it tasted good too. So forget about that pizza and just know that you are investing in the rest of your life.

New Number and Making Progress

Been doing good. I wore some of the new pants I got from E-Bay today, but oddly enough they were almost too big! Ridiculous. It's nearly impossible to find pants that fit decently for any amount of time. I am fitting pretty well into size 24's. I think I am going to need to do some tailoring and then a few of them will at least last a month or two. A dart here, some gathering there and I think I will be able to make them work. A good problem to have I suppose. Just makes getting dressed in the morning a little more challenging.

Well, so much for my Saturday weigh-ins, I can't help but step on the scale most mornings. So I am happy to say I am in the 250's! I am solidly on 259 on the scale this week. I am almost back to my previous low of 255 that I saw in 2006. I worked really hard for those pounds by keeping a food diary and walking like a mad woman, but eventually I just lost my focus and within 2 years the weight had returned with a vengeance. Once I can get past that number I will feel awesome, like I can get past that stumbling block and know that this time I have the tools to make it stick.

Saturday Weigh In Day

Not much to report these past few days. I did some cooking today, tried a goulash type casserole and it turned out OK, not terrific but OK. I gotta work on my seasoning skills. Anyway, I made enough to put some in the freezer and some for my lunch for the week. I am trying to follow my dietitian's advice on eating a protein, a starch and a vegetable or fruit at every meal. So this morning it was an egg, half of an english muffin and a banana. My goulash had ground beef, pasta and tomatoes so that was good. I will probably have some fruit too.

Sometimes I feel like I am eating more now than I used to, but the difference is definitely in the quality and the variety of what I am eating. I use a grocery list when I shop and I try to do some meal planning ahead of time so I don't make poor choices. Still learning, but it is getting more like "normal" all the time. I can definitely tell when my band is working. It doesn't take much to feel full. I am finding that I am more satisfied with less, a little more all the time.

The scale has decided to just stay put for a while. I am hopeful that I will see the 250's sometime this week. I think I will try to have a weekly official weigh in day and stay off the scale so often. At first it was rewarding and a motivator to weigh pretty often. Now I think as things are slowing a bit it would be better to have a weigh in day. So I think I will make it Saturday's. So for today my official weigh in was 260.

Progress Pictures

Thought I'd put up a new progress picture today. This is me at 260 lbs. I am definetly starting to see some changes! I'm still pretty lumpy in places though, so I still have lots of work to do. This is a new shirt, one of my bargain finds on my shopping trip--it's a 2X, woohoo! Down a size, it's maybe a smidge tight and clingy, but it will get better.

The second picture is my high of 303 in June 2009 to my current 260 in February 2010. My hair's grown quite a bit too, lol. To all my lapband buddies, don't forget to celebrate all your successes, big and small! :)

Advice from the Dietitian

As part of my band adjustment I also had an appointment with a dietitian. Who knew learning to eat again would be so hard? She had several good ideas for me. I have been tracking my calories and she encouraged me to stop doing that and instead concentrate on just listening to my body to tell me when I am satisfied. She said counting calories is a dieter's mentality and I am not on a diet. Good advice, but it is going to be a little challenging.

I think too often in the past I was eating the wrong foods, the wrong amounts and eating too often, so I don't really trust my own instincts to be able to know when I am getting the right nutrition and calories. Even today, my first instinct was to log my foods into my food diary from yesterday, but I suppose I should start weaning myself off of it. I think her advice is sound, I just need to start trusting that I can make good choices and my band will help me know that I have had enough.

Just another reminder to me that for people that have struggled with their weight much of their life that the lapband is only one tiny piece of the puzzle. There is so much work to do on yourself emotionally, mentally and physically. My dietitian put it like this...the lapband is like getting a brand new car, you don't get into a car and expect it to just go and do all the work, you still have to turn the ignition and drive. I'm still learning so much in this little journey of mine, it's really giving my brain a workout.

I'm Filled!

Finally made it to my Dr.'s appointment today. I officially got a 1 CC fill. Doesn't feel a whole lot different, but I then again I am only on liquids for today and tomorrow so the real test will be when I get back to real food later this week. I had a bit of a stomach ache tonight, hope it wasn't band related. My next appointment is apparently not for another 6 months, which really surprised me. So I guess we will see how that plays out. I am gurgling so loud tonight, my band must be working well.

Had the best time shopping! Found some crazy deals at some second hand stores and some clearance stuff at a few other stores. Also just got a package from E-Bay today too. Got a bunch of smaller sized clothes which is awesome. I am fitting nicely into size 24 pants, that's down two sizes. I need to rearrange my closet and take out the old and put in the new. I found several pairs of pants that were size 22 and 20 and they were so unbelievably cheap I couldn't pass them up and figured they'd fit soon enough. Awesome!