Thursday, May 31, 2012

How Do You Measure Success When You "Failed"?

There's a conundrum in my head this can I still celebrate the success of losing 85 pounds (i.e. not being in the morbidly obese category anymore, wearing "normal" sized clothing, fitting in chairs, feeling healthier and all the other great things that my weight loss in the past has given me). But over the past 6 months to a year I feel like I have been a "failure" because I regained weight, I am struggling to lose it and I don't feel the "honeymoon" phase of having a band anymore.

I keep beating myself up for the latest failures, but I know that instead I should be keeping an eye on the big picture. Life is so much better than the 303 pounds I was at 3 years ago. Even at today's weight of 219 I know that I need to claim that and be proud of it. Instead I keep thinking about where I am NOT at. I want to be back to onederland, I want losing to be easy--like it was in the first year after banding. But I am afraid that glorious time has passed.

It is still a work in progress--and it may ALWAYS be. How do you stay motivated in the moment, remember the progress you have made and not beat yourself up for the setbacks. I don't know if I have an answer to that or not.

I guess I can look at the "failures" from a different perspective and give myself a little slack:
  • I had a ROUGH year--one of the most tumultuous in my life with job changes, moving twice, new relationship, failed relationships and two surgeries. I think I am entitled to a small setback considering the stressful, emotional intense year I lived through.
  • It was a SMALL setback not a big one. Yes I gained some weight back and fell into old habits, but I didn't regain all the weight. I only gained back about 25 and then I started to find my way again to fix it. Since refocusing, I have lost about 5 pounds, it's small but it's progress in the right direction.
  • I KNOW WHAT TO DO when I fail. I pick myself up, I go back to the healthy habits that have worked in the past...exercise, food diary, blogging, regular band adjustments. It works.
Am I doing everything in my power to help myself lose the weight again? Ummm...if I had to be totally honest with myself I would say no. I make choices every day, good and bad and I have to live with that. But I think that I need to allow myself to just be happy where I am at. Live in the moment. I have a little saying posted on my wall and I need to read it more often...

"I made you to carry the weight of one day. Do not weigh yourself down with the years behind or the days ahead."

So my words to all of you banders out there gentle with yourself...don't beat yourself up...remember to celebrate where you are right here, right now. Love yourself.


  1. CeeJay- you never fail until you give up. You have not given up.

  2. I agree with Robyn. You are no failure. Go back to the beginning of your blog and re-read the whole thing. You need to get re-motivated. The bottom line is you can lose this weight....we are here for you!

  3. It is nice to hear from the "rock stars" about how awesome they are doing and all that, but when I am struggling, I would much rather read posts like yours. It IS harder after the first year or so, no question! Sometimes the weight sort of falls off easily and sometimes it just doesn't! Keep posting. I am proud of you for reining it in and not re-gaining back to 300+ lbs. I think the rest of our lives will probably be like this. It will always be something we have to work at. Sometimes it will be easy and sometimes not so much. (((Hugs)))

  4. CeeJay, I am right there with you! It's so hard to keep the focus on the positive when you're struggling. You are NOT a failure!

  5. Thanks for the comments are terrific.