Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Ugh! So Miserable

This morning is what a typical morning has been like lately. I tried drinking Powerade Zero--my version of no-calorie juice in the morning. The first swallow immediately rebelled. I was optimistic and though I would try yogurt, in attempt to try to get some nutrition in my body. 2 spoonfuls, and that was it. It is sitting at the top of my throat, just waiting to come back up. It is slightly uncomfortable, not painful but it doesn't feel good. I managed to get down about 10 ounces of Powerade. I also take 2 pills in the morning, and that really is a challenge. So far the are staying down and I hope they are dissolving. I know I will spend the next hour burping, sliming and swallowing up and down, and up and down until it passes through my stoma. Not fun.

I have been trying to adjust to this level of tightness since April, with some success but mostly with misery. Not eating in the morning is not healthy for me, searching for slider foods is not right, going down a list of foods and not being able to identify ones that will work causes stress and makes eating a chore, which then in turn makes me reach for comfort foods--ice cream (if it will go down, and sometimes even that is a challenge).

Since my fill in April I have lost about 5 pounds, but that was immediately after the fill. Since the beginning of May I have been at a standstill. Mind you, I had surgery in there which threw things off my routine as far as exercise and added some surgery fluid weight. Those five pounds are not worth this misery. Lately I feel like all I do is go up and down with fills, I fill and it's too tight. I unfill and I don't feel restriction. My green zone is incredibly hard to find and maintain.I realize that the human body constantly changes and you have to keep making mental and physical adjustments all the time. I just wish I could find the right combination again--and it has several components:

  • Workable restriction levels
  • Good exercise routines
  • Tracking my food intake
  • Good mental status/motivation
  • Accountability
It is constantly juggling these things with an already crazy life. I wish that food and my weight didn't have the grip on me that it does. It has since I was a young girl and I feel that it will always have an impact on my life. I wish that I was one of those people that rarely had to think about it. Ugh. Feeling mentally tired by all this stuff. 


  1. Coming from a place of Lap Band slip... make sure you take care to not stay over filled. I was too tight too many times and that is most likely what contributed to my slip. I know you have an appointment to have an unfill... but don't live with an uncomfortable fill level... it isn't worth it! Good luck!

  2. You put that frustrating feeling into words in a way I never could. I hear ya! My best advice: Unfill - it's better to be able to eat normally and be accountable yourself than go through what you are describing. I'm only one month out from my unfil but the difference is night and day. I can eat a small meal or a sandwich and I'm full for a very long time (3-4 hours). No, It's not the perfect 'restriction' (1/2 a cup of food is what my Dr. calls 'restriction') but I'm much happier and I just have to work harder and exercise more. I'm loving it. No more starvation diets for me. I hope you get some relief very soon!! Go stand in the office until you get in if you can. It's no way to live. The mental toll it takes is not worth it, and the damage it could be doing to your stomach surely isn't either! Hugs,Jen

  3. Ceejay, I am so glad you have an unfill appointment! This is no way to live. It's normal not to lose when you are too tight b/c you wind up going for slider foods (I know I did!). You can also hurt your band by being this tight, so it's great that you're getting a bit of an unfill. Sending you best wishes for green level restriction.