Softies, Swimming and Sanity

Well I have been taking it easy on my band and eating soft foods, mostly soup, jello and yogurt. That has been good for the band, I don't want it angry at me. I went to the Y for swimming today, did and hour of lap swimming and water aerobics. It felt so good! I love the pool. I am trying to find my sanity back where it comes to my band. I feel Ike I have forgotten how to lose weight...or perhaps just the gumption to get it done. At any rate, every day I think it's gonna be a good day and then I blow it midday and throw caution to the wind. This temporary liquid diet has helped me to slow down the calorie intake for the weekend so thank God for that. Just keep trying. Scale graciously gave me 226 today.

Pickles Cause Angry Band

Oh my! Dill pickles have caused me to have an angry band. I think it was slightly upset with me over a drinking and eating feast on Friday night and now it appears that pickles at lunch time have angered it more. I think it would be best to do liquids again for a day or so. Damn.

Why Do I Keep Doing That?

Every day I start out the day healthy and on a good track. But then...it just goes down hill. I have been eating the most awful snacks lately. Someone brought donuts to the office and I had more than my share of them. I made brownies at home and ate the whole pan over the weekend. I have been eating Mike and Ike's from the vending machine. I just can't quit snacking on pure sugar. This is mental. I am choosing to sabotage myself. Why is making the right decision so hard? Today the scale is at 228. I know what I am doing wrong but I can't make myself do the right thing.

Up and Down...Up and Down

I have been absolutely amazed lately at the swings the scale has taken. Friday was 224, Tuesday was 229 and today was 227. I have never had such inconsistencies. One pound maybe, but not 3-5 at a time. I feel like I don't know my own body anymore. My main goal right now is to be at a lower weight than the previous 230 at my next fill appointment on August 13th. I have been trying to keep true to my food diary, I continue to exercise and have been trying hard to drink more water. I don't know what else to do. Just keep trying. It is a real mental battle right now.

Stepped on the Scale

Well, I didn't expect miracles and I tried not to even guess about a number, I just stepped on the scale and faced reality. So, the number is 224. My doc's office was 230--of course the two never match exactly, but at least that is better. I had weighed in on my own scale on July 5 and it was 225. So whichever number you choose it is still a loss and I will take it!!! I know that I made better choices in the last week or so and I feel good about that. I still have work to do and probably always will. For now, I will take even the smallest move downward.

Better Day Today

Today I was really trying to focus on doing the right thing. Replacing crappy foods for good home cooked foods and very low calorie snack choices has helped my attitude immensely. I went to water aerobics this morning where we did a high intensity workout of "100's" and I also took a 40 minute walk tonight. I have also been trying to drink more water and zero calorie liquids. I had a good day, now I just need to keep repeating those.

My nine pound gain at my doc's office was a good source of motivation for me. I don't want to feel that bad again. I was so disappointed in myself. I want to fee proud of myself and for the first time in quite a while I feel good about stringing together a couple of good days. Now I just need to do it again and again and again.

I'm Trying

I'm trying...that is my mantra. I am happy with my current level of restriction, as I can just feel my band once in a while. I am trying to eat, good nutritious foods and for the most part I have avoided snacking. I realize that I need to get back to basics, cooking for myself. I feel so much more satisfied with home cooked meals--with a little help from some convenience foods too. Tonight I made kind of a "hash". It had seasoned potatoes--they are precooked in the refrigerated isle and I added turkey sausage to that. I had a huge portion of satisfying, tasty food that I measured and weighed to get the portion sizes and calories right and it was only 320 calories. How many times have I chosen the wrong things with little nutrition and left me wanting something else? I have to cook again.

So for tomorrow, I am making my Turkey Meatloaf recipe and I will also make sweet potatoes to go with it. I am already looking forward to it. Turkey makes it so low cal compared to pork or beef. I did really good at the grocery store tonight, sticking to my list. I remembered an old trick for getting my sweet dessert fix on. I used to always eat sugar free Jello with fat free/sugar free Cool Whip. I can have a whole bowl full of yummy sweetness for only about 40 calories. I also bought some fruit to try to satisfy my sweet tooth. Abstinence just doesn't work for me, it always backfires. So I have to try to find acceptable alternatives to having my sweets.

I have a little over 200 calories left for the day and feel quite satisfied.Back to the basics! I haven't gotten on the scale, and plan to stay off it until next Friday. That's a bit of torture as I am a bit psycho when it comes to the scale. But I think this is a good respite. Just concentrate on good choices.

You Are More Important Than This Number

Amen to that! I got this little message from my Bariatric support groups Facebook post for today. I think I need to stay away from the scale for a while and just work my plan. I need to take a break from some things, like obsessing about the scale. It tires me out. So instead I will concentrate on keeping my food diary and exercising. That's it. So I vow not to look at the scale for at least one week. So I plan to stay off the scale until next Friday, July 13...ooh could that be ominous? Nah, I'm not too superstitious. LOL.  Tonight I plan on going to my water aerobics class and so far I have done great on my calories and no snacking today. Stay focused! It will make a difference.

New Day

Well yesterday's visit to my docs office was not the best. My lapband is fine. We did a barium swallow under fluoroscopy and all appears well. The bad news was I gained 9 pounds in one month. I cried in the docs office. I felt like such a failure. Kristin, my PA was wonderful she really tried to lift my spirits and help me figure out a plan of attack. Of course my problems were totally self inflicted. Anyway today I am going to totally purge the cupboard and fridge of all the foods that don't fit in my life. The goal for today is to eat as simply as possible and not snack. I also plan to exercise today. That's it. Do that enough days in a row and life will get better. Kristin gave me a small fill and I will go back in about 6 weeks for another fill. My only goal is to see a smaller number on the scale next time I am at the docs office. Anything less than 230 is a good thing. I can do this. Update...Step one completed. 45 minute walk done!!!!!!!

Another Update...I stayed 95 calories under my calorie goal for today. Still got work to do but better. One day at a time.

July "Progress" Picture...Well It's a Picture Anyway

Well, i decided it was important for me to go back to the basics of what works for me and that has been monthly accountability. One way I used to do that was to put a progress picture up on the first of each month. So here is my "progress" (or in this case a lack of progress) picture. Here I am back at 225 and I can feel the bloat in my gut and the tightness in my clothes. These are my new workout clothes. I specifically bought them a little snug hoping that I would be motivated to look better in them. So tonight I walked on the track and tried a new recumbent cross trainer at the Y. I worked out for about 1/2 hour.

Tomorrow I have a fluoroscopy and a follow up appointment at my PA's office. I am unsure about what I want. I have been eating so many wonderful foods--been on a band vacation and now it is the reality, will she add fluid back in tomorrow and am I ready to be tighter again. Ugh. I have never struggled so much with this. It is hard work. 

I can do better than this. Less junk in the trunk and get rid of that gut. I have work to do.