ADD, Gall Bladder and LIfe

I totally feel like I have ADD when it comes to taking care of myself. I can concentrate for about a minute and then I totally lose my focus. My personal life is handing me some unexpected challenges and it is affecting my eating, exercising, sleeping and nearly every part of my life. It's too hard to concentrate on this right now.

To make things worse, I think I have started to have occasional gall bladder attacks. I have incredible pain for 20-30 minutes at a time, typically after a fatty meal---yeah I know, I shouldn't be eating those types of things that would trigger an attack.

Ugh. I am feeling so cruddy right now.

I'm So ADD...There's a Squirrel!

I'm so A.D.D when it comes to my weight loss focus lately. So easily distracted. This weekend was a total calorie fest. Pizza, cake, ice cream...ugh. Today I tried to get back to normal, but it's tough. I did go to Aqua Power at the Y tonight, and it was a heck of a cardio workout. Not sure it will undo the calories of the weekend but at least a moved a little bit. The scale is all over the place again, I think it was 216 this morning. Well, all I can do is keep trying.

Keep on Going

Scale was very generous this morning and gave me a 213! I must have an incredible amount of water weight right now, because that is a 5 pound swing in a week. Incredible. No wonder the scale drives us crazy. I know everyone has different theories on whether they weigh every day or not. I have always been a morning, naked, right before I take a shower weigher. I would much rather be aware of the day to day fluctuations rather than be shocked once a week. Just helps me feel more in touch with my body. Another good start to the day.

Awesome Day!

I went to Aqua Power at the Y tonight, not as much cardio as last time but a lot of toning. Feel so awesome when I am done. Came home and rounded out the days meals with some healthy fixins, even have about 200 calories left for a little snack later. Just gotta keep the streak going!

Moving Up and Down

Scale gave me 214 this morning. I don't really trust it just yet, it is fluctuating way too much. But at least it is headed downward even if it is only temporary. I want to see onederland again. I was so focused a year ago. I need to continue doing what I am doing and string enough days of good choices together to see some progress. It is so important to track my food and blog. I need to be here.

Oh the Fluctuations!

Scale today said 216. I am headed to Zumba tonight. Still keeping my food diary and doing well on caloric intake. No snacking either! You can do this...one day at a time...it will start to add up to progress. You go girl!

Aqua Power!

I had so much fun tonight (and it kicked my ass!) at a water aerobics class at the Y. It was a major cardio workout! Then I came home tonight and ate a wonderful, low cal dinner. I forgot how good healthy eating can make me feel. I also forgot how filling it can be to eat a large volume of low cal foods. It was almost hard to eat the whole plate I made for myself. I have been keeping my food diary again too. Huge pat on the back for me today. Now to pick myself up and start again tomorrow!

Good Choices and Progress Picture

Decided I needed to put a progress picture back up here. Eek! I can see where I have gained around the middle. It is certainly time to make some changes and get back to losing. Here I am in Size 18 pants and an XL shirt. The scale today said 218. I was a good girl today, so far. I went to the Y and did a mile on the indoor track. For lunch I got back to basics, weighing and measuring my food and counting calories. I had lean turkey breast, cottage cheese, club crackers and peaches. Lots of volume, not a lot of calories. I am also working on getting 100 ounces of water today. It's a good start to get back into a routine. Good choices!!!

Day One...This is War!

OK people, I had one last hurrah over the weekend: a house warming party with a plethora of snacks and 5 beers, cupcakes for my mom's birthday and a Super Bowl party. It may have been my worst calorie filled weekend in years.
This is day one! I cleaned out the cupboards and the fridge, purging the house of all suspect foods. I grocery shopped last night and replace the bad with the good...lean meat, fruit, cottage cheese, yogurt, etc. No more snacking. The candy jar is empty and has been removed from my desk at work. I had yogurt and fresh fruit for breakfast. I am planning to go walking at the Y over lunch and am going to try to drink at least 100 oz. of water today.

I know the formula...eat right, exercise, blog for accountability. Scale today reads 218. Time to get serious about this and help the scale move down instead of up. It isn't going to do it by itself, I need to make  real choices throughout the day that make the scale move. It may be slow and may seem like I am not making progress, but I have to be patient. One day at a time!

A Little Self Assessment

I get a newsletter from the bariatric surgery group at the hospital where I had my surgery. Today's e-mail asked us to take a little self assessment and I thought, how appropriate! So here's my quick Q & A. I challenge you to do the same for yourself!

Where are you at in your journey? I have made good progress as a whole, but have recently gained back some pounds and lost my focus. I am a constant work in progress.

What have you gained when you lost? I gained better self esteem, I can shop in the non-plus sized section of the clothing store, I fit better in chairs and booths, I got engaged!

Where do you have yet to go? I want to lose more. I want to be under 200 pounds again in onederland, I want to be in the normal range of the BMI charts.

Where do you want to end up? I want to be healthy, content and feeling like I am managing my life well...emotionally, physically, nutritionally, etc.

How will you get there? I have to think about what I put into my body, I have to stay active and I have to take care of ME. I need to find a balance using the tools I already have. I know how to achieve success, I just need to practice that every day.

I Lost One Pound!

I went from 217 yesterday morning to 216 today! Ok, I know it's probably just some water weight fluctuation from TOM, but dammit you gotta celebrate all the successes as they come into your life. I was such a good girl yesterday! I did a Zumba class and I also went to the YMCA and did a circuit training workout on the nautilus machines with 15 minutes of cardio. It felt really good to be exercising again. I think it's going to be good for my mental and emotional health. I've been a bit scattered lately and I think this will help to focus me.

Just wanted to say thanks to the people that made comments on yesterday's post. I forgot what a wonderful support group this was. I also enjoyed getting back and reading some of your blogs. I see that we all share so many of the same struggles and successes. What a great group of "virtual" friends!

It's OK to Pick Yourself Up and Start Over

Well, I have been nearly non-existent here on the blogs. My life has been the most crazy, amazing confusing, wonderful, unmanageable ride lately. I am seeing a need for a brand new start for me again and to focus myself in a way that I was able to do when I was earlier into my weight loss. I would say I am sort of at a maintenance stage but also feeling a need to lose a bit too.

The obvious reason for getting back to blogging is accountability. I need to be honest with myself and get in touch with ME every day. This is going to do a couple things...I am going to be better focused on what I eat, how I feel emotionally and where I am physically.

I joined the YMCA today and I am so excited to re-energize my exercise routine--which has totally disappeared from my life. I know the exercise will be good for me physically and I know it will help me mentally too. Life had handed me so many changes this past year...job change, moving to a new community, having port revision surgery, having a boyfriend, getting engaged! and everything else that happened in 2011. It's been good and bad and has just taken my focus away from the weight loss I had been working so hard on. So I need to find a new balance that encompasses all those things.

So I am starting today with a 217 on the scale (TOM is to blame for a little of that! Grrr!!!) Some of my goals are just to feel good about myself again, for my pants to fit better and to find my way back to onederland. I've got work to do but I know I am capable of doing it again!

I'm back baby!

Milestones...Two Year Bandiversary

Well, I'd say there have been some ups and downs in my two year (plus) trek. The scale read 211 this morning. Not headed in the right direction. My band is too tight and I am struggling. I have an adjustment scheduled for December 27th. Well, lets take a little inventory here...first the good:

• Weight: 211, that's down 92 total from 303 and 66 from my surgery day weight of 277!
• Clothing Sizes: I wear an XL shirt and size 18 pants. I'm out of the plus size section! That's down from a 3X shirt and size 28 pants.
• Life: I have a boyfriend! Josh and I have been together almost 10 months. He's the love of my life. He is the first guy I have ever been in a relationship with. I had given up on love as my fat self. Now I have hope for all my dreams to come true.
• Environment: I fit better in the world, no more wondering if I can squish into a chair with arms, or if I will fit in a restaurant booth.
• Health: I dont' have any health issues related to obesity. I have great energy and can do most anything physically. I don't huff and puff on stairs and I can keep up when walking with average sized people.

All in all, lots of good stuff to report, but I would say that there are things that I would still like to change:

• At one point I had gotten under 200 lbs., into what we like to call onederland. I'd like to get back there.
• I would like to be at a healthy BMI and/or in the normal weight range for my height.

Life is so much better after lap band surgery. I am happier and healthier. There is still work to do but I want to acknowledge the work that I have already done and celebrate it. Here's to a better year 3!

Got My Gurgle Back!

Well, here's the news. I had a fill yesterday. Weight at doc's office was 211. But my scale reads 208. I am going the wrong way. I am hoping this fill and a renewed effort will help me move in the right direction. It's been one hell of a summer and fall. I am hoping that things in my personal/work life settle down soon. I am going to try to keep a food diary again for about 2 weeks, as my PA suggested at my fill appointment. It will help to track both total calories and my portion sizes a little better. I am already feeling a good amount of restriction again, so I am hoping that I can live the lapband life better again.I know I have good restriction when I gurgle after a meal. Awesome!

I've Been a Bad, Bad Girl!

OK, so I fell off the wagon for a while. Life has been so tumultuous...work, home life, love life has all been both challenging and rewarding but stressful all the same. In the midst of all of it, I had to get port revision surgery, was too tight  and miserable then I was too loose and used it as an opportunity to take a "band holiday" as my PA called it. Even now, although I had one adjustment, I am still pretty wide open and I have been choosing all the wrong things.Tonight for instance it was a chicken strip dinner from DQ. Good lord, if I am at good restriction there is no way I could eat that. I just can't seem to find the reset button.

Well, perhaps I took a step in the right direction tonight. I watched the premiere of Biggest Loser and I was given a good wake up call. To see the women who weigh 250 some pounds and to realize that I am not that far from that. Although I have made awesome progress, I AM NOT DONE YET! Today the scale read 207. So much for being in onederland--but I can get back there, if I work at it. I went to the gym and worked out for 30 minutes. It's a start! I am going to try to get back to basics again and start following the rules I know work.

I have another fill in October and I will just need to behave myself until then. I really just need to refocus on losing weight and helping my pants fit better! I know all the right things to do, I just gotta do 'em!