I was thinking a lot lately about my new past time...dating! Who would have thought that would be my fall project? I had literally given up, checked out and found myself mourning a life that I thought was out of reach for me. My therapist and I were discussing the fact that fat people can and do find love and get married--but I wasn't one of them. I realized that it had less to do with my physical size than it did with how I felt about me emotionally. I didn't feel lovable. That's the difference, people who are able to find love at any size must have some sort of genetic makeup that I don't. It isn't until I have gained back some self esteem and self worth that I realize that I can find love--at whatever weight I may be at as love as I can live with myself. So even though right now I am still 50+ pounds from my first goal weight, it's OK. I am not afraid to put myself out there anymore because I know I am working on a better version of me.
Speaking of my therapist, we mutually decided I was ready to "graduate" from therapy. I have been seeing her for about a year and we decided that I had made good progress on my goals and that I was ready to fly solo. I never imagined that I would be in therapy. I think my having lapband was a little bit of a catalyst to seeking some extra support. I am so glad that I have cleaned up life both physically and emotionally. Now I know how to handle life the best I can, and I also know that I have a safety net if I feel like I am slipping backward. If I hadn't worked on my head, I know that I would have failed miserably at weight loss. Life is so much better and I know it can only get even better from here.