Tuesday, October 5, 2010

That's the Difference

I was thinking a lot lately about my new past time...dating! Who would have thought that would be my fall project? I had literally given up, checked out and found myself mourning a life that I thought was out of reach for me. My therapist and I were discussing the fact that fat people can and do find love and get married--but I wasn't one of them. I realized that it had less to do with my physical size than it did with how I felt about me emotionally. I didn't feel lovable. That's the difference, people who are able to find love at any size must have some sort of genetic makeup that I don't. It isn't until I have gained back some self esteem and self worth that I realize that I can find love--at whatever weight I may be at as love as I can live with myself. So even though right now I am still 50+ pounds from my first goal weight, it's OK. I am not afraid to put myself out there anymore because I know I am working on a better version of me.

Speaking of my therapist, we mutually decided I was ready to "graduate" from therapy. I have been seeing her for about a year and we decided that I had made good progress on my goals and that I was ready to fly solo. I never imagined that I would be in therapy. I think my having lapband was a little bit of a catalyst to seeking some extra support. I am so glad that I have cleaned up life both physically and emotionally. Now I know how to handle life the best I can, and I also know that I have a safety net if I feel like I am slipping backward. If I hadn't worked on my head, I know that I would have failed miserably at weight loss. Life is so much better and I know it can only get even better from here.


  1. I did date and even married at my heaviest weight. My husband said to me all the time that it wasn't any weight that he was interested in but being with someone with the confidence to live life heavy or not. I do, however, think those guys are a bit rare as physical attraction plays a big role in relationships and first impressions.

    Good for you in both seeking therapy and graduating from it..and also putting yourself out there in the dating world. I do look forward to your dating news :) since i am an old married person your life sounds exciting.

  2. You've done amazing well and come so far.
    I'm sure that you will meet all your goals!

  3. Excellent attitude, sounds like a fun fall project! ;)