January Progess Picture

Well, here's the monthly progress picture! I am at 207 pounds right now, which is awesome. Each progress picture I take I see such a new person emerging. In this picture I am noticing that I am getting much more straight up and down, and less curvy in a good way. Since my stomach and hips and getting smaller I feel like my boobs are getting bigger. Ha ha. I also notice that my arms hang down straight, rather than out away from my body and I can stand with my knees together.

I remember several years ago when I was probably at my heaviest, it was my graduation from grad school. I had my graduation robe on and so all you could really see was my feet and we were taking pictures. I remember feeling embarrassed because a family member said "stand with your feet together, more ladylike". I was standing like I always did, legs apart because of my chunky thighs and standing with legs wide to support my immense weight. There's nothing "ladylike" about 300 pounds. You know it's little memories like that one that stick with you over a life time. What should have been a great day of celebration was a little over shadowed in my mind by that comment. Innocent enough, it still sticks with me 7-8 years later. I wonder how many other comments or seemingly innocent incidents happened along the way stuck like that? Hundreds...maybe thousands? And you wonder why your self esteem is in the crapper? Like pebbles in a stream, collecting there one after another. The first one isn't so bad, maybe the tenth one isn't so bad but pretty soon all those pebbles collect to create a dam and eventually the dam burst and let out all these feelings. Whew...another mental health session here on the blogs.

I feel more feminine now and less like a big fat blob. I love the progress pictures, it gives me a chance to keep on working through the body image issues. I am slowly seeing a better version of me, inside and out. :)