Being Average

Great post by Barb over at My Lucky Lapband got me thinking tonight and I decided that it would be a great topic to post over here tonight too. She asked if we ever fantasized about being thin. I don't think I have ever thought about being thin--instead it's more about not being as fat as I am today. This whole body image thing is a bit of a moving target for me. I was just talking to a friend at work today about the fact that I have always been fat--it was just varying degrees of fat. When I was in high school I probably weighed 200+ and I was fat. Then in my thirties I found my way to the 300's and I was fat. Both of them felt pretty much the same at the time...clothes don't fit, no energy, no dating life, low self esteem, pretty much a life at less than.

But wow, it isn't until I gained a little perspective that I realize that 200 can feel "skinny" after you've seen 300. But it's all relative, because I may think 200 is skinny, but compared to someone who is 150, it is still fat. Eek! It's like a damn riddle. There are days I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and think, "wow look at you skinny!" But put me up against some rail thin model and I would feel huge. Figuring out how to make the image in the mirror match the image in your head really takes some doing. So do I fantasize about being thin? I don't think so, because I have never known thin. It's unattainable, something I can't wrap my head around. So instead I would say that I fantasize about being "average" whatever that means. Just to have someone look at you and not judge you by the fat suit you are wearing, instead to just look at you and say she's average.