Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Do You Ever...

Do you ever feel like you are still fat? I have been having some thoughts lately about not being "good enough". Good enough by whose standards? I don't know. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I would love to be in a relationship, still looking for Mr. Right. But I have this horrible feeling that I will never have that. I certainly wasn't a catch at 303 pounds and now 90 pounds lighter, I still don't feel like I will ever catch the attention of a guy. So in some respects I still feel exactly the same as the 303 pound me. I suppose if I was still in therapy I would be discussing this with my therapist, but since I gave that up I suppose I will have to sort out my thoughts here on the blog.

It may take a little extra time to gain back some of my self worth. I think I was living so miserably for so long that I didn't even realize how many of those feelings I was stuffing inside and not talking about. Now with every pound of fat that is gone I feel like I also have to rid myself of a pound of mental baggage that I have been carrying. Whew! That's hard work. I sure hope that one day my mind will catch up with my body. So tonight, even though I know I am 90 pounds lighter, I still have a few pounds of baggage to shed.


  1. Don't beat yourself up, we all have baggage of some sort or another. Mr. Right will come along when you least expect him. Just take each day you have pick something to work on. You've already been doing so amazingly well!! You should be so, so proud of yourself. As each day passes and as each pound is lost - I think we are all learning just a little bit more about ourselves. Learning just a little bit more about why we have the baggage we do and what we should do about it now. Good luck and know we're all right here cheering you on!

  2. I agree with Read. You will find the right guy when God knows you are ready for him. I don't want to sound all religion like, but it is so true. Continue to take care of yourself the way you are, and things will work out the way they are supposed to. Just know we love you!

  3. The right guy will come along when you least expect him to. In the meantime, keep focusing on you! You are doing so fantastic!!!

  4. I think this is an issue for lots of us. How do you see yourself, how does the world see you? I struggle with this, too.

    And, there are some great guys out there- who don't judge based on looks. I met my husband on the internet (yes, I did)- and I purposefully didn't send or want to see pictures, because I wanted someone to love me for me- and the same back. I was 150 lbs at the time, so I looked good at that time.

    Yeah, keep blogging... it's excellent therapy...

  5. I think I will always feel fat. Today I looked down and saw these thin legs and it was like I was looking at someone else's legs. I think as we get more confidence, it shows and attracts the people we want to be with. Love your comment about still needed to shed some baggage-brain wise. I think we all come to that conclusion though our blogging.