Well, after seeing the writing on the wall this past weekend I decided to call it quits with my eHarmony guy. I wanted more, he wasn't interested in more and as much as he wanted to be "just friends" my poor inexperienced heart just couldn't live with that.
I learned something about myself tonight...I am worth something. Being the fat girl my whole life, I do not have much experience with relationships---ok let's be totally honest with you, my blogging sisters, I am 38 and this is the first one for me. Yep, there I said it. I was a total virgin up until about 2 months ago. For a long time I was embarrassed about that, another hurtful part about being overweight much of my life. I was missing out on so much. No boyfriends in high school, no prom, no first kiss, no dates in college. How could anyone like me when I couldn't like myself at 300 pounds? One of my favorite movies is the 40 Year Old Virgin--perhaps because I could relate so well to it. I am happy to say that eHarmony guy was at least good for one thing...as I can say I checked one thing off my bucket list before I turned 40!
What I realized tonight was that I deserve more from life. It's ok for me to have hopes and dreams and to not settle for a guy because I am living in fear that another one may not come along who could love a fat girl/former fat girl. There is an unbelievable amount of baggage there that I need to deal with and I think I am doing it a little tonight. It's OK to want more, and to ask for what you need.
Ha ha, I just thought of something, I suppose losing my virginity is an NSV...perhaps it is the NSV of all NSV's! Better mark that one down on the list of lapband accomplishments. I will shout it from the rooftops, I don't care who knows. Weight loss helped me get laid for the first time...and the second...and the third. Here's to a whole lot more opportunities to get laid!