Can't Believe My Eyes! 216!

Wow, couldn't believe my eyes this morning as the scale gave me 216. Wowee! Not sure if it will stick but that is so cool to see it. Oddly enough, it's when I increased my calories a little bit again, I started to lose. It's hard to find just the right calorie level that helps you lose but doesn't shut down your metabolism. So fickle! Anyway, I am pleased that the scale is going down instead of up!!!

217, Feeling Satisfied and Lubrication

Well, I was super happy to see 217 on the scale this morning. I am not sure if it will stick just yet, but I always love seeing a new number! Yippee for me. I am headed in the right direction again!

In other news, I was trying really hard to not drink with my meals, but it was so tough. I was having terrible episodes of sliming and feeling full way too early. So I decided to allow a little bit of "lubrication" and it has made all the difference. I sip just a little bit of liquids to help things go down but not so much that it washes on through. So I am feeling satisfied and not spending a half hour after eating, trying to swallow down slime. Feeling really good about that. I can tolerate this level of restriction much better now. I feel like I am in a good place.

I went to water aerobics this morning and had a great workout. I am really starting to push myself harder in class and I can feel my heart rate going up. Awesome. We do a move called ab rollers, it's hard to explain but you use your whole body and a resistance barbell. It is an awesome move. I love the Y! As the weather gets nicer I would also like to add in a little more walking. Feeling good today!

I've Got the Gurgles

You know your banded when you get the gurgles. Today, I am like a noisy factory churning away on digesting my food. I was having an afternoon smoothie and I think I could hear every spoonful go down one at a time. Quite embarrassing, thankfully I don't share an office with anyone. LOL.

Lunch was slightly better today. I am learning to listen to that soft stop sensation, knowing that pushing any more food down my throat will only result in misery. It was pretty slim pickins for calories though, so I supplemented today's lunch with the fruit smoothie. Other wise all I managed to get down was a 1/2 cup of cottage cheese, about 3 thin slices of deli meat and 5 reduced fat club crackers. That's only about 220 calories for the meal before I had to call it quits. So I threw in the smoothie for good measure. I make it with a frozen fruit mix of peaches, strawberries, mango and pineapple with some yogurt and a splash a apple juice. Yummo, and it helps me get my fruit intake which was nearly non-existent before I got the idea of making smoothies from my PA.

Scale gave me 218 today. I sure hope I see 217 soon. Next week may be a little challenge as I am at a work conference which means extra calories through endless buffets and breaks and some liquid calories with my after hours entertainment. So I will have to try to behave.

Is There Such a Thing as Lapband Fatigue?

I had a thought this morning, as I was struggling to get my breakfast smoothie down. Is this what I expected lapband life to be like? I think in the first year after banding I didn't mind feeling my band, because then I knew it was working and I was losing weight. I was happy with it. But lately, it almost seems like a nuisance to me. I am feeling good green zone kind of restriction right now, but I am always tight early in the morning, so I have to go slow. It's taken me a half hour to eat my smoothie--a liquid!! I have felt pressure, had the hiccups for going to fast and am sliming just a little bit. What a process. Granted my meals later in the day go a little better, but they too take at least a half hour and are a bit of a production. All part of being banded I guess.

Is there such a thing as lapband fatigue? Like I am just tired of having a lapband and all the fuss a weight loss surgery comes with? Maybe it's just frustration in not losing as fast as I would like. Maybe I had a taste of what unencumbered eating was like again (that's why I gained 25 pounds back!!). Maybe it is as others have described, the honeymoon period of easy weight loss is over and I am not at goal so there are major frustrations in that.

I am kinda sick of having a lapband, yet I know that if I were to be without it I would easily regain all of my weight back and more. Today the scale said 219 and that means I have lost a total of 84 pounds. I should be proud of that, that's huge. But I am also kicking myself because at one point I was able to say I've lost 100 pounds! At one point I could also say I am under 200 pounds, finding my way into onederland--not any more though. Ugh. It is a constant mental and physical battle. I'm tired of the fight, but I know that without the fight I would be back to 300 pounds plus in a heart beat.

Well, perhaps I need a reminder of what 84 pounds looks like (my high of 303 to my current 219), so for posterity sake here's a comparison picture. (Who is that girl!?) You have made progress. It is worth the battle. You will get to a goal of being under 200 pounds again. Just keeping going. You still have important work to do.

Took a Calorie Vacation

Every once in a while my weight loss just stalls out. I think I have been on track every day with calories for about 3 weeks and I finally needed a free-for-all day. So today I threw caution to the wind and ate pretty much whatever I wanted without regard for calories. Sometimes that jump starts my weight loss again. So I will get back on it tomorrow, but for today I went wild.Scale was at 219 today. It's been hovering between 218-219 for quite some time. I am ready to see it move down a little more again. One day at a time!

Abdominal Pain Again

I had another episode of abdominal pain last night, that was two days in a row--not good. Could it really be my gall bladder or is there something else going on? I am concerned about my band. Anytime you have a mechanical device implanted in you there is always a chance for something to go awry. Well, the pain is gone this morning. I feel achy but not in pain. The fact that it subsides, makes me think that it is not band related, because if it was the pain would remain. Anyway, it was a horrible night and I didn't sleep well. I am taking the morning off from work, hoping to catch up on a little sleep. I just didn't feel up to getting ready this morning. Ugh!

Ugh...Monday

Well, for those of you who tuned in yesterday...I did go for a walk and "earned" that delicious cupcake. But in typical karma fashion, I think that cupcake may also have set off another gallbladder attack! (Well, I'm not sure if the two were related, but it sure felt like my body was punishing me.)

So last night, shortly after supper (which included the cupcake--but also stayed within my daily calorie goals) I started feeling the pain around 6 PM. Ooooohhhh it hurts so much! The horrible pain lasted for about an hour, then the dull ache lasted until I went to bed finally a little after 10. But before the night was over I dealt with awful nausea and some dry heaves. As a bandster I always get so afraid of violent vomiting or dry heaves, just certain that my band will slip! Ugh.

So today my whole body aches from the pain and the dry heaves. My abdominal muscles are so sore. I just have this overall feeling of yuckyness. What a great way to start a Monday. Thankfully, I have gallbladder surgery scheduled for May 7, and hopefully that will take care of that.

If there is one bright spot in my day, it is that the scale finally gave me a new number...218. Took a long time to earn that one.

Soooo Feeling Like a Piece of Cake

No I don't mean, that things are easy...like a piece of cake...I truly mean I want a sugary, frosting laden piece of cake. Specifically the white cupcake with a 1/2 cup of frosting on top that my grocery store sells from the bakery department. I am even willing to give up my supper calories for it. But I am also trying to convince myself that I must walk, not drive to the grocery store. Which is a two mile round trip walk. So will I get the gumption to walk to the store on this beautifully sunshiny day? And once  I get there, will I actually buy and eat the cupcake? Hmmm. Or will I continue to sit my ass in my recliner? Or is there another scenario here that is more sensible. Oh the battles of mind over matter.

Better Day Today

I did much better with eating today. Decided to have taco night for supper and it want down pretty well. I tried to really watch my chewing and take a break between bites. The other thing I did well today and the past few days is to drink between meals and try to stay well hydrated. Feeling much better about the day. Hope to wake up in time for water aerobics tomorrow morning.

Oh Barf!

Darn it, I overdid it tonight. Apparently the beans I choose for supper were just a little too thick and sticky. Anyway, I slimed, then tossed my cookies. So it begs the question again...am I too tight or was I just not paying attention? Hmmm...I am still trying to answer that question. I was beginning to appreciate the tightness and feeling restriction again and watching the scale either go down or at least hold steady. I'm torn. The green zone is such a fickle little spot.

Things I Knew But Forgot...Or Ignored

It was very helpful to go to the Back to Basics session offered by my docs office for weight loss surgery patients who were gaining, felt stuck or just needed an update. There were about 15 people there, both lapbanders and gastric bypass patients. Some had surgery years ago and other were relatively recent. It was interesting to hear their stories, get ideas and share experiences with them.

My PA who does my fills, an RN and an RD spoke to the group and they all had great advice. It wasn't necessarily new information to me but it was certainly things I had forgotten or had just plain ignored for a while. It was all things that I need to recommit to, and ways to use my tool better. They also reminded us that we had surgery on our stomachs...not our brains and that is a big factor. It is a constant, daily choice we have to make to eat healthy and exercise.

So here were a few of the tidbits I was reminded of again (and where I can make changes):

• 3 meals, no snacking - This really always did work best for me. Not to say that there wasn't an occasional snack, but when I was doing my best at weight loss I stuck religiously to the three meals a day rule. I have been snacking constantly lately, and it has been high calorie food with little nutritional value. If I really need a snack I need to look for healthy choices. Each thing I eat, I should ask the question...what does eating this provide or is it empty calories?
• No liquids with meals and waiting 1/2 hour before and after - Again, this was a successful method for me. Lately I had been having liquid with almost all of my meals. It sure helps those calories slide on through and then I felt hungry later and went in search for snacks. That needs to end.
• Planning Your Plate - Using a small salad plate or small bowls to help you with appropriate portion sizes. Planning to have your plate divided in three: 1/3 protein, 1/3 fruits or veggies and 1/3 carbs/starches and eating them in that order...protein first, then fruits and veggies and saving carbs for last. I was really cheating on this rule.
• Eating Slowly and Chewing Well - This is a must when I am at a good restriction level. It is a deliberate action or chewing food down to the consistency of applesauce. Meals should take about 20-25 minutes to eat to allow your brain to feel the satiety feeling. I was wolfing food down and looking for the next thing to eat.
• Listening to Your Band - Being aware of the soft stop feeling and STOPPING! I don't know how many times I just had one, two or three more bites and then ended up sliming, barfing and being miserable because I overate. Knowing the difference between full and satisfied is so important. I need to be more deliberate.

All in all, the things I heard were not rocket science and it was things I already knew but I needed a good reminder. These are MY rules, I know everyone else is different. I just know that I was successful when I followed these. I need to start living like I have a lapband again.

Off to the Back to Basics Session!

I am really looking forward to the Back to Basics session offered by my doc's office today. I just want to soak in all the information and remind myself what it was like to be a new lapband patient. I hope I get some new (or renewed) information and can use it to my advantage. Today the scale gave me 219. Still trying to be gentle to my band, really taking it easy with soft foods for the time being.

Another Day of Softies

So far today i have just water and yogurt for breakfast. I think I will stick with a diet of soft foods today and give the old band a good rest. Today already felt better when I ate the yogurt, a little restriction but not the unbearable sliming and regurgitating. So I think that I will just be gentle for one more day. Tomorrow I am off to my doc's office for a lapband refresher course and a support group. Then I have a surgery consult the following day for my gall bladder. It's the same surgeon who did my port revision for me last summer. So we will see what he has to say about that. Scale has been hovering between 219-220. I guess I can live with that, it is down from the beginning of April and that is a good thing.

Update...I had soup for lunch, and that worked pretty good. Tonight for supper I thought I would try something just a little more substantial. So it was some ham salad, which went down so-so. Then I had a craving for cheesy noodles, which after a few bites it was pretty obvious was not going to go down. So I stopped immediately and now I am doing some sliming. This is not good. I had such a small fill, I don't think I need an unfill, but this is really quite miserable. Not sure what I want to do just yet. Perhaps tomorrow's refresher course will help me decide if I am just forgetting what real restriction is like or if I need an unfill. I was really hoping that my band would have calmed down by now. Ugh! So fickle! 

No Solids for Me Today!

I am going to do just liquids today, trying to get my band to calm down. I am just having a glass of milk for breakfast and even that is difficult. It's going down but I am definitely feeling the tightness. Mornings are always my tightest, usually I have yogurt or a bowl of cereal and that is a challenge. So milk being slightly uncomfortable is a little concerning.We will see how the rest of the days goes.

Update...I was very good to my band today, only liquids and/or extreme mushies. The most solid thing I had today was soup. Things got better throughout the day, but I would say that I am not ready for solids yet. I will try to add a few more substantial mushies tomorrow. So far so good, I think it was just irritation rather than being too tight. Gotta learn to be nicer to my band! It seriously feels like two years ago post-op...it's like a new band again!

Update #2...I am feeling a lot of gurgling tonight, which I haven't felt in a long time. I am also feeling a little heartburn tonight. So I popped a Tums and I hope that makes things feel better. I sure hope I get things figured out. 

Irritated Band or Too Tight?

Ah yes, that is the question...have I just irritated my band with the last few days of difficult eating or am I too tight? Tonight for supper I only managed to get about a 1/2 cup of cheesy green beans. I was also going to have some ham salad, but after a bite I realized that, that would be a losing battle. I think I have irritated my band and perhaps a day or two of liquids would do me some good. Then I would know whether it was too tight or just irritation. This re-learning how to live with a band is a little fickle. I kept saying I would try just liquids, the last day or so, but didn't follow my own advice. I guess I better really mean it. So for the rest of tonight and all of Saturday I vow to only have liquids! Gotta get my band in a happy place again.

Like Learning to Walk Again

Eating is a while new adventure again. I am back to lapband size portions of things and it is so different. It is almost a chore to eat. It takes a long time to chew stuff down and my portion sizes are incredibly small. I had almost forgotten what this was like. I still am eating just a bit too much, and I am sliming and having to swallow down again and again after my meals. Soon I will learn to just stop. But I haven't got that notion of finishing my plate out of my head just yet. I can't believe how little food I had for lunch today...about 2 ounces of turkey, 1 oz of cheese and about about 10-12 baby carrots. I topped things off with a little sweetness, with some sugar free jello. I should have stopped before the jello, because now it is sitting at the top of my stomach taunting me.

I look at the size of what I ate and think how in the world can that satisfy me?! But back in my weight loss heyday, that was enough. I realize now how long I have not been feeling my band and taking advantage of the benefits of restriction. It is a brand new world again. Welcome to the green zone!

Lesson Learned

I hate a rather sudden...um let's call it a "rejection" of my lunch today. What I thought was just a cough turned into me expelling my slime and part of my lunch. Apparently I have angered my band and things are pretty tight down there. So I am gonna put myself on some self-imposed mushies/liquids for a day or so to give it a rest. There is a price to pay for finding the green zone. Like I said, I need to learn to eat like a bander again...I haven't been doing that for some time, and so it is a whole new learning experience again. I am miserable this afternoon, with sliming and having to continue to swallow down my lunch. Better give my band a rest, the rest of the day and perhaps tomorrow.

219 & Listening to My Band

Saw 219 on the scale this morning which is so awesome. Thank goodness I am headed in the right direction. I realize that with my new tightness it is more important than ever to listen to my band...when it says I'm full, it really means it. I had gotten into the habit of cleaning up my plate again and I can't afford to do that. I think in my subconscious there is a "fear" that if I don't eat what I put on my plate I will be hungry later and so I feel the need to eat the portions I placed on the plate. But that's pretty stupid as I demonstrated to myself last night when I vomited, rather violently the last bits of ham and potato that I thought I could squeeze down my throat. Yeah, don't want to do that again.

Even this morning, my cereal bowl was telling me, just leave those last two or three spoonfuls, but I went for it anyway, and now I sit here sliming and uncomfortable. I need to get back that mental awareness of when my pouch is full and convince my brain that it is enough and it's time to stop. It had been so long since I felt a good green zone restriction, I think I forgot what it was like. I am glad to have found it again, now I just need to learn to live with it again.

Oh Sweet Restriction!

It is taking me a long time to eat! Yea!!! Took a good 25-30 minutes to slowly chew and eat my supper tonight, a good sign that my band is at a good restriction level. Feeling the green zone again is awesome. Tonight I went to my usual water aerobics and then I also stayed for water volleyball. So I had a great workout today. way under on my calories for the day, I even have room for a low cal snack later tonight.

New Number!

Oh my, it has been a long time since I have been able to say that! I didn't believe the scale this morning, so I stepped on it 3 seperate times, and each time it came up with 220. I can't believe how much weight will fluctuate in one week. But I will take it. I have been keeping my food diary and trying to really watch my calories again. So glad for restriction, it makes life so much easier. I need to keep my focus.

Feeling Better

Feeling slightly better about the scale today, as it is down to 223. Much better than the numbers I saw a week or two ago. I have been very good about keeping my food diary. Easter weekend was a bit out of control, but it is back to the grindstone today, as I was within about 50 calories of my daily goal. I also was good about drinking my water today. Was traveling for work today so I didn't get in my exercise today, but I will get back to it tomorrow.

Having a gall bladder surgery consultation next week and I will also be attending a "back to basics" course for lapbanders. I am feeling great restriction right now, it's nice to know that I have a lapband again.

Did pretty good this week, following my calorie intake on My Fitness Pal. Today was the only day that I went over my calories. I'm OK with that, just need to get back on track again tomorrow. I am feeling good restriction and that helps a lot. I definitely can't just sit there and mindlessly stuff my face like I did a week ago. I hope i can keep that feeling and help re-learn what it feels like to be in the green zone. It's been a long time since I have felt it.

Didn't do great on exercise today, it was windy outside so walking wasn't much of an option. Could have gone to the Y, but I guess I just needed a break today. Back on the horse tomorrow with water aerobics at 9:00 AM.

Thank You Restriction!!!

What a difference a new mind set and some restriction makes. Today I finally started eating like I had a lapband again. A small, salad size plate, measured servings and I am half way through and feeling full. Slow eating, taking a full 30 minutes to eat and a good amount of protein. That's how you lose weight! Keep it up girl. Now, this afternoon I will be drinking lots of water and I have a local snack figured out if I get the hungries. You know how to do this...now the only thing to do is repeat, repeat, repeat!

For later today, I have water aerobics at 5:30 and I plan on getting on my new shoes and new workout gear and taking a walk in the beautiful sunshine.

Afternoon Update...Took a sugar free chocolate pudding break---such a better option than my previous, reach for a candy bar break. Only 70 calories versus 250 or more. Gotta be smart!!

I'm Ready to be a Loser Again

It's time to really get serious about things here. I was at my docs office for a fill yesterday so my band is nice and tight and ready to be used in the right way. I am scheduled to go to a "Back on Track" session at my docs office in about two weeks and I am hoping it will help me really get serious about things. I always love getting a fill because it feels like a clean slate to start with.

My goal is to track my food intake on My Fitness Pal on my smartphone for 2 weeks...no exceptions!!! I am going to continue going to water aerobics and I am going to add in walking this week too. It's time to concentrate on me. I want to see onederland again. I will get there.